مستجوزة

By: Qwaider

On:Monday, August 27, 2007 8:18:30 AM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (5565) times

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ظاهرة ليست بالجديدة .. و لا القديمة .. فتيات في مقتبل العمر .. في عز الشباب .. في ربيع العمر ... مصابات بوهم و هوس "هَنَا" عريس الاحلام! منهن من يصاب بلوثات و يحتجن العلاج النفسي من كثر الادمان على الاحلام و الحصان الأبيض و الطرحة .. و الأسوأ الضغط النفسي و الأجتماعي و العائلي ...

ينسى الكثيرين .. النصيب... و القضاء و القدر.. و يتهوّرون وراء لمعة العريس.. و يندفعون مع اوّل طارق للباب ... و النتيجة؟ اسبوع عسل .. و شهر بصل ... و بعدها حياة تعب و شقاء و عذاب...

اتمنّى لو اعرف سر الجين الغريب، الذي يبدأ عمله في منتصف العشرينات .. يبدأ بدق ناقوس الساعة البيلوجية .. كأن ايّام الفتاة معدودة، و تفارق الحياة من بعدها! او تفقد كل فرصها او آمالها في ايجاد ابو حصان ابيض!

حتى امثالنا العربية الغريبة ... "قطار العمر" و "شبح العنوسة" و "راحت عليكي"و "ايّام شبابك"و "عظمة كبيرة" .... و ما الى ذلك من مثبّطات العزائم.. كأن الحياة ستتوقف عند سن الرابعة و العشرين.. و بعد ذلك.. لا امل!

بصراحة .. و من مشاهداتي الشخصية في المجتمع العجيب، احسست ان اكثر الناس مجابهة للمصاعب، الازواج الذين قرروا الزواج في سن مبكرة.. و من كانت زوجاتهن صغيرات في السن. فقلة الخبرة، و انعدام النضوج، والتوقعات غير الواقعية تؤدّي الى كم هائل من المشاكل صعبة الحل ايضا لقلة خبرة الطرفين.

طبعا ... من المستحيلات ان تتزوج فتاة .. و ترحم صديقاتها من الحديث عن "حلاوة" الزواج.. و روعة الحياة.. كل شيء جميل امّا لـ"يقهروا" العازبات .. او ليأكّدوا ان كل شيء على ما يرام! طبعا .. هذا ايضا من المستحيلات بعد الزواج! فلا يمكن ان يوجد شخصين مختلفين في كل شيء تحت سقف واحد..دون ان يحدث خلافات و نزاعات!... حتّى الأخوان .. من بطن واحد قد يختلفون في كثير من الاحيان .. فكيف برجل و امرأة في مقتبل العمر في علاقة اساسها التقليد و التشبّث بظاهرة الحصان الأبيض... او هربا من "شبح العنوسة"

الكثيرات يتزوّجن هربا من قيود الأهل الصارمة.. فيصطدمون بحائط تزمّت الزوج و تحفّظة و احيانا غيرته التي قد تكون مبالغة. و تجد الحزينة نفسها في قفص اضيق من قفص الاهل.. فتسوّد عيشة المسكين في المقابل..

احب ان تذكر كل فتاة .. النصيب .. و القضاء و القدر ... و ان اوّل طارق للباب.. هو عادة اسوأ اختيار.. و ان تصبر .. و ان كانت ..... مستجوزة

*اهداء الى فتاة عادت الى بيت اهلها بعد 3 اسابيع "هَنَا"

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Memories....

#1
miss sea lover
Said
On: 8/27/2007 10:19:54 AM

strange to hear such thing from a guy, but in general i liked ur way of thinking, wish that all the guys think in this way, but u missed something, girls r suffering sometimes from family that treats her in a bad manner, u have the father, brothers, and may be more, when getting married, she gets only one person to control her, this person has the possiblity of being a good person, sam as being bad, no one knows, but the thing is she is sure that she is suffering with her family, that's why she takes the risk...i just said what girls think...not what i think personally

#2
Budoor
Said
On: 8/27/2007 3:05:18 PM

كأن الحياة ستتوقف عند سن الرابعة و العشرين.. و بعد ذلك.. لا امل!
La2 it wont....And i noe u r quoting some ppl , but i just wanna stress that life does not end at 24 :)
I am 23, studying not yet done with my degree.
Am planning to do pHD
actually am planning to do 6 years of medical school (Ya pHD ya Med. school)
And I personally think and hold fast to this principle, That if its ur destiny it will happen no matter what ...but there is no need to HASTEN the process
And everything depends 100% on qismeh w na9eeb
so what if u r not destined to be married? Are u gonna fight fate?
But i also think that its pressure....even if ur family leave u alone. and encourage you to pursue ur education, and do not mention abt marriage...as in my case.
having friends who got married, have kids, looking at their kids photos make u feel like u have got an empty space that needs to be filled.,..i think it is normal that everyone feels that way cos in fact its fi6rah and naturally all humans think that way...
Cos once u r at a certain age u start thinking in certain ways but Allah a3lam .....
However I waNNa let eVeryOne Noe thaT i Am NoT desPErate to Get MarRIed ..
I am HAppY i Am ContentED thaTs Wat I aM.

#3
أسماء
Said
On: 8/27/2007 4:13:45 PM

من وجهة نظري لم يعد في تاريخنا ما يسمى بـ"فارس الأحلام" فكلهم ترجلوا و باتوا مهندسي كمبيوتر ومحاسبين وبائعين.. لم يعد بعد هذه الطفرة في عالم الفتيات ما يسمى بذلك
فمن المؤسف بعد الوعي العنيف الذي يشهده العالم أن تذهب فتاة ضحية عاطفة هوجاء استملكتها للسير وراء سراب ثم أوقعتها في متاهة تسير بها العمر كله.. المتبقي لها
علينا الإيمان بالقضاء والقدر وأن الانسان لا يأخذ أكثر من نصيبه في هذه الدنيا

تحيتي

#4
hamede
Said
On: 8/27/2007 4:47:31 PM

A7la qwaider.

#5
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/27/2007 5:58:48 PM

Miss Sea lover:
على فكرة انا ذكرت الضغط النفسي و الاجتماعي و العائلي.. و طبعا لم ادخل في تفاصيله.. فشكرا للأضافة
للأسف، عندما تتزوّج الفتاة لا ينقص عدد المتحكّمين .. و لكن يزيدون واحد
لا انكر ان الكم الأعظم من الشباب طيّبون و على خلق، لكن هناك الكثيرين ممن يحملو افكار سيّئة و هدّامة و مرّوا بتجارب جعلتهم يشكّون حتّى بأقرب الناس لهم
فالأندفاع في المغامرة قد تكون عواقبه اسوأ من الوضع الأصلي

Budoor:
من الافضل للفرد دائما ان يحقق طموحه و ذاته قبل الخوض في الباقي لأنه في النهاية سيندم على ما فاته
بالفعل الأصدقاء من المتزوّجين قد يكونوا اقوى عوامل الضغط

اسماء:
اشكرك دائما و ابدا على رعايتك لمدونتي
بالفعل .. لم يبقى من الفوارس احد.. بل اصبح وصف فارس وصمة تخلف و عار هذه الايام المهم .. الحساب البنكي

فعلا .. لن نحصّل اكثر من نصيبنا

Hamede
Thank you as always

#6
The Observer
Said
On: 8/28/2007 10:21:53 AM

That is so true Qwaider! Being a spinster is a nightmare for every young girl in Jordan between the age of 20-30. The closer she gets to 30 without a husband, the scarier and more deseperate she gets.

It is sad. Society puts so much pressure on them. A single girl after 30, is not respected in society as if a woman cannot be complete without a man by her side! What is worse is that mothers applies the most pressure on their daughters. They worry so much and keep on pushing and pushing with hard and soft ways till their daughter agree to marry any man just for the sake of marriage!

I thought that now with most of women go out of their homes and are financially independent that they wouldnt care this much about marriage, but still nothing have changed. Even their job can be an asset to gain a better husband!!

#7
Deemco
Said
On: 8/28/2007 9:36:06 PM

I agree that parents shouldn't rush their daughters into marriage causing them to marry the wrong guy or the first guy to knock on their door, but keep in mind that once a girl is more than 30 years old having children becomes difficult and risky. Some women who get married at a late age never have children that's why I think a girl should get married while she's in her 20's. I personally want to get married at a young age because i don't want a huge age gap between me and my kids. I wanna be close to my kinds and be able to relate to them. I want to have a strong relationship with them and be close to them.

#8
Fire-Faten
Said
On: 8/29/2007 2:26:11 AM

Can a girl be "Mistajwizeh" without actually being pressured to?

#9
Deemco
Said
On: 8/29/2007 10:49:20 AM

Fire-Faten: yes a girl can be mistajwizeh without being pressured

#10
Tamara
Said
On: 8/29/2007 12:14:53 PM

Well Q, I feel that at a certain age after school and we start to work, a need for emotional satisfaction more than before, stability and children start to become very important, thus ladies become mistajwizeen which is nothing wrong !ad to that pressure, society and other social problems, and wanting to get married makes a lot of sense! I really believe all that but also I believe that the worse mistake any one can make in their life is to marry for the sake of marriage alone, or to escape a problem

#11
أنونيموس
Said
On: 8/29/2007 11:58:51 PM

You know...at first I read this and I though- oh a stereotypical Qwaider post. But it so incidentally happens that almost every one of my female friends over the past couple of days has mentioned "3o2balek" every time I congratulate them on an engagement or new progeny. When I say that I have nothing to do with that business they start putting up timed bets!
Ma3ak 7a2, sha3eb mestajwez, banat w wlad. W leish? 3ashan the other person looks good, is respectable or does well, and most importantly, it's "time". Nas fadyeh ya 3ammi...But if they choose to go down that road rather than the Romanian masseuse paved one, it's the better choice, but still, there's alot more to it as everyone has already said!

#12
bluelilly
Said
On: 11/7/2007 3:32:18 PM

really u said the truth of our society but don`t forget that guys like u don`t like girl more than 25 this is the fact taqoloona mala taf3aloon i graduated from uni last year and now i`m 24 and comparing with girls in my family am sooo old and i have to walk with train like what they did marry any one but indeed if u want a quality u have to wait :)

#13
Qwaider
Said
On: 11/7/2007 6:52:31 PM

Bluelilly,
I'm sorry but I don't know what gave you that impression! I'm really not considering ANYONE under the age of 25 (you're still too young for me) I think a girl need to mature first. But that's just a personal preference you know.
I can't control what or how the society is going to react. But it's a good thing that girls wait and not push themselves into relationships that are doomed to fail