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Young couples

By: Qwaider

On:Saturday, July 21, 2007 1:14:44 AM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (4939) times

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One of the teachings of Islam is to promote young marriages. The call was out to young men with a clear call "Who ever can afford the hardship of marriage, then he should ...". The Arab world is no different, teenage marriage are still being practiced all over. And up to about 30 years ago, they were the dominant type and they still are in the rural areas in most of the Arab world until this day.

I no longer believe that marriage at a young age is a good idea. I used to. For a very long time. And then, I grew up, and started noticing things that just need time and a level of maturity before they can exist. I changed the peachy picture that two young teenagers can get married then go through school and life together.

Yet, I secretly envy these young couples. They have not been tainted with the allure of maturity and independence yet. They have not experimented, dreamt and seen all the opportunities. To them, what they're experiencing, what they're seeing is the whole universe

It seems that a married couple who are 20 years old might be having more fun in their life. They're growing together, experimenting together and enjoying life and new experiences together. Unlike a 30 year old couple who probably both have their own personalities, experiences, backgrounds and opinions about issues. But most importantly, their frame of reference is set completely outside their relationship. Unlike the 20 year olds who see the whole world through that.

I was too busy with school, graduating, getting my degrees a good job, succeeding at the job to pay attention to all the little things that I was missing out on. Growing older and more mature together. Viewing the world from a specific perspective. And focusing all knowledge and talent to serve a single purpose of making that relationship work

On the other hand, young couples suffer a lot more. They tend to be, well young and inexperienced and that tends to make many of them make a lot of bad judgement calls. In addition to issues with financial independence. I think these issues far outweigh the benefits.

Yet, I continue to secretly covet the young couples as they cuddle away... as that ship had sailed for me...

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Memories....

#1
tinkerbella
Said
On: 7/21/2007 5:18:15 AM

Young marriages are often riddled with problems, mostly because when they enter into these marriages, they choose their partners based on what they think is important for them to spend the rest of their life with that person. A few years later, these "important" characteristics will change and they may realize the person they chose is the wrong person for them, and they instead need someone who is X, Y and Z, which their current spouse is NOT. This can often result in a lifetime of unhappiness or even a divorce. Its in the mid twenties that people begin to form their identities, having grown out of the teen phase (20, 21 is SO not enough to do that!).. but at mid twenties, 24-26.. that seems to be a good place to enter into a lifetime partnership. I agree with you on the 30yr old couples though. They have solidified their identities, and while it can bring alot into a relationship (2 whole different worlds merging, etc), it can also cause much conflict that must be resolved if they wish to continue living together. Its also a pretty big chunk of experiences that belong only to one or the other.. nice in some ways, but not in others.
But marriage at teen or even early twenties can sometimes result in a mistake that one could regret for the rest of their life. I think that would be much worse

#2
tulip
Said
On: 7/21/2007 5:47:00 AM

I would say early twenties is the best age for marriage. Both would be done with school, and yet at the line of starting a whole life of shared experiences-- that is what marriage is al about, sharing life together, so how beautiful would that be when they both experince the start of their worlds together? (sigh), I wish i married one of the first suitors, there were lots of nice ones, hehehe just joking.. well, too late now :D

#3
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/21/2007 9:37:14 AM

Tinkerbella:
I think we're basically saying the same thing. I view it as awesome. But it comes with a set of baggage that most people are unable to bear

Tulip,
I agree with you ... But it's too late for both of us, I guess

#4
miss sea lover
Said
On: 7/22/2007 12:19:32 PM

u just keep in Surprising me, one day u say..thank God I’m not married yet, then, I envy young couples!! Ersalak 3ala raaai!!:D

For me, I just like mature couples, there is nothing wrong of having ur own personality, that’s the great thing about marriage. Another thing to say, it means a lot, after seeing the whole world, and experiencing a lot of things, u choose ur partener, that means u choose him/her after big thinking, and u’ll be convinced that he is the right one for u…and that means a lot…and u know, if u love some one, sharing silly things will be the most enjoyable activity for u…

#5
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/22/2007 8:09:04 PM

Miss Sea lover
I'm not really sure, many people end up in a marriage of convenience. The younger couples don't settle for convenience, instead they go after passion.
Each one has it's pros and cons.

As for myself... I'm inching steadily, but surely to the golden cage! I doubt any person can stay away from this