Commandments For guys only...

For single guys out there, here's a little guide to help you through the relationship maze with the "better half". Now you have to understand couple of things first

1. This is provided As-Is with no warranties, guarantees and confers no rights
2. This doesn't work with everyone, you have to be highly adaptive to identify the right approach to the right person
3. Use at your own Risk
4. I don't do break-ups [From Hitch or Love Dr]

Hello fellas ... This is a quick and dirty guide to success in the female relationship confusion. Yes, I know you might have many questions but try to focus and keep your goddamn testosterone levels lower than your waste. Nothing deludes your heads more than that. So focus!

Now, I'm going to mention a set of "Turn-on"s their opposites are going to be turn offs. So make sure you stick to these "turn-ons" religiously.

1. Be cool!

There is nothing more important than you having character. A personality. Something to distinguish you out from the millions of guys out there. Try to be smooth and not very talkative. Say important things, interesting things. And for god's sake, don't mention your stupid level in PlayStation!

2. Be bold!

Nothing is more attractive to ladies than a courageous, gallant, fearless guy who doesn't waste time in being shy and withdrawn. Granted that some women like shy-guys. But that's not the majority. It's primal female instinct to get attracted to courage, exploit it! Besides being bold cuts the long story short AND gets you where you want fast. You make the lady aware of your intentions (score positive on that: honesty, and clear intentions) and avoids the dreadful "Friend" trap (aka brotherly in the eastern cultures). Which you MUST avoid like the plague if you are really interested in the lady. Cowardness is so uncool!

3. Be decisive!

There is no worse turn off than a guy who can't make his goddamn mind. Know what you want and go for it. Don't waste time beating around the bush! Be (as #2 above says) and Decide what you want. Then Chaaaarrrgggeeee! Being wobbly in your decisions will confuse the woman and have her keep her guard up. Since it appears that you're not really strong on your interest

4. Be strong

You can't show that you're too weak to be of interest! It's the females' nature to seek the alpha male. If you look fragile. Act like weak and talk in a puny weakly way. Then you're weak! Make sure you're strength is not only physical (a plus) but also mental and situational. (it drives women crazy to be around strong men). Don't go nuts with things like "I can't live without you". Make it clear that you force your will to exist!

5. Show some emotions

Yes, you need to be romantic at times and buy a PDA or an organizer to remember important occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, first hand held, first kiss, etc ..etc ..etc and plan on doing ANYTHING (doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant, just show that you remember)

6. Use jealousy to your advantage

A little competition might tip the balance in your favour. Nothing drives a lady to show her territory than feeling that she has something that might be contested. If you're there and no one ever cares to look at you. Then you're boring and you're violating commandment #1 above

However, don't push the lady to a position where she would get over jealous and forces her to either do something stupid or worse, dump you!

7. Make sure you show interest!

If the lady can't feel your interest, she will not give it. Again, there is a delicate balance here. Too much interest is interpreted as being (a) Pushy, and (b) desperate. BOTH are negative positions that you don't want to be near!

8. Use ear plugs!

Yes, when the lady wants to go out on a rant, she doesn't want you to interact! She doesn't want you to play devil's advocate. She doesn't want to hear your side of the story. She is absolutely not interested in the "Right thing to do". And she's completely aware that this will bore you to hell. But she wants to see you sitting there, nodding in attention and just keeping up with her facial gestures. If she smiles smile. If she frowns, frown. and if she cries you hug her! No your opinion is REALLY not that important at this time!

9. Fat? No you look gorgeous in that!

10. Be wise with complements

Don't EVER complement another woman (or a man) excessively in her presence!

11. Subdue the opposition.

To be the woman's main-man. Her best friend must be MAD about you! Yeah, You have to appeal to both women. I don't care how you do it. Bribe, sweet talk, gain some incriminating leverage... If you are on the best friend's "OK" list. You will win

12. When in doubt..... Shower!

There is no more turn off than body odor! And about other "funny" things you do when you pull your finger (Aka Fart) don't even think about it! Excuse yourself if you have to!

13. The Z factor

Don't EVER be Zinikh (smell of fish) which is being a cheesy, corny, witless pushy slab of beef! The only impression you will leave is "Ewwww!"

14. Make her laugh

If you're not quick. Memorise some Jokes. It might even be more important than reciting poetry. Learn some good jokes. But be careful. Don't become a clown and lose your #1 commandment above. Learn some dirty jokes too. Not disgusting ones. But dirty jokes. People lose their cool to these!

And finally

15. Ambivalence is a very strong aphrodisiac (yes, that was a Qwaiderization)

Nothing, in this universe is stronger than a women feeling neglected. If you show that you don't care. She would initiate a hostile take over you. Nothing will beat a woman's urge to have what she couldn't! (this doesn't contradict with #7 above because this happens either before, or after. Use #7 during a good relationship)

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Now, remember. You have to either be Strong, Rich, Handsome, influential, Celebrity to not care about all the above and have women throw themselves at you. But if you're not one of these ...... Then print this out and uphold the commandments! Or you'll die an old man in a room that smells like used socks and armpits!