The polygamist and me
- By: Qwaider
- On:Sunday, April 29, 2007 11:34:02 AM
- In:Thoughts
- Viewed: (13527) times
- Currently 4.6/5 Stars.
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Rated 4.6/5 stars (146 votes cast)
I met with an interesting Saudi Shiekh. One of the interesting, liberal (??) and forward thinking ones who's visiting the US, visiting? Well, kind-of, he's been "visiting" for the past 25 years. The most interesting aspect about him is.... Yes, he has two wives. An American, and a Saudi.
Before anyone thinks that I'm am in support or against it. I will reserve my personal opinion, for now.
I met the two wives, who seemed to be nice in general one has 4 and the other has 3 kids. They all seem to be happy. And they appear to have all their needs taken care of, and extremely lavishly.
So, being the nosy person that I am, I showered the man with a million questions. He had the patience, understanding and the determination to prove to me how happy, and excited he is with his own life
So one of the interesting things is how he spends his time with two households. He said, something very interesting. It appears that he organises the week in a day with 1 day for the first, a day for the second, and back to the first and so on. And the 7th day he keeps for himself. He spends it alone, doing his own stuff. He claimed to be very happy.
Looking at the whole situation, I continued to ask probing questions. He reasoned that in this way, each one of the wives gets to miss him, and get to relax alone and rest from him for a day. Looking deeply at it, the ladies have 4 nights each. They spend these nights however they like, and they only get the husband 3 nights in a week. Each have 2 nights in a row that she can take as time off, to go visit her family or go out of town for example.
So I was kind of too personal at a point and said, what made you take two completely ordinary (and possibly below average women) to get married? Why didn't he take one amazing lady and be satisfied. He answered me brilliantly in a beautiful way. He said, it's better to eat KFC one day, then McDonald's the next day, then back to KFC and so on, than eating steak every day.
I frankly was convinced. For males at least this is an amazing way to combat the monotony and boredom of married life. But even for the women (who were really well taken care of) and basically had everything they need, and on top of all of that, a very supportive, flexible and non-demanding husband.
Now I was very surprised how happy the whole family was. They all love each other and they all look happy
Which made me think. Who wouldn't want to be the second wife for George Clooney, rather than the only wife for Mick Jagger

Memories....
it's like hunting for example ... "oh i met a nice guy who told me he is in the wilderness and he hunts alot so he can eat and feed his family ... oh he is so happy so i think hunting is ok" ...
but if everyone who wants to hunt hunted ... we will have a very big problem !!!
and btw Q , i rated this article 1/5 stars and it registered as a 5/5 !!!!! strange huh ....
Now here is my opinion for your friend’s theory “if KFC has every thing he needs in the menu, the won’t need McDonald’s at all ;) “
And why do you think it's 1 out of 5? Because it doesn't agree with what you believe? If you notice at the very top ... I stated, that I will reserve my personal opinion on the matter for the moment. On the fear tat I would poison the waters.
Maioush,
I think you were not kidding, you would be Clooney's 78th wife if you had the chance :)
As for KFC and McDonald's, the idea is chicken and burger. The cheap midiocre stuff
Q the only time I heard the burger and chicken thing was from a Pilipino guy (he was cheating on his wife), and he used that as a lame excuse.. “ell 3ean el fadyeh ma bemlaha ella el trab” .. what’s going to happened if when he feels like “fish”? he will martry a third time or what? .. but el 7a2 msh 3aleah, el 7a2 3ala el setat elli b2balo b heak kalam
women have the tendency of being possessive and selfish when it comes to our men, thats our nature, just as its a man's nature to be jealous and protective of his woman. he found a gold digger who wud be satisfied with "being well taken care of" and has 4 days to herself a week!
bi sara7a ana hada il 7aki ma bifout mu5i. personally bammaze3ha illi bidha t2arreb 3a my man, let alone marry him and take him 3 days weekly away from me! no can do..
I can't handle half woman, I can't picture myself with 2 lol
but the idea is ok, It's allowed in Islam, and it has its successful application. Like in time of war, if the husband die, then his friend could marry his wife to take care of the family, for example.
Yes to homosexual adoptions.
Yes to killing Arabs by the tens of thousands in Iraq.
Yes to laws banning hijab from public life.
Yes to no legal consequences to cheating on wife (read, polygamy)
But no to consenting polygamous relationships.
I think we have a problem..
Men shouldn't abuse their right, polygamy is ok in special circumstances not at any time, like in the times of war when men used to be killed by thousands!!But this mentality has to change..My humble stupid opinion!
mayous, u become the 78th wife, i become the 79th, IM IN! :)
la2 la2, ya rabbi, i wouldnt share my man with el barageeth elli 3ayshe benatna! aslan im totally out of george's league! :P be7lam!
bass KFC??? tab ma kol el banat kheir w barakeh, lazem etkoon wonderful to get married ya3ni? ur wife should be the most wonderful woman in the world because u shouldnt have a reference to compare, she is the only woman in ur life! which makes me wonder, men weinlo 3eref el mcdonalds to know he has KFC?!! :)
Sure you are!
There are many reasons for cheating, So he probably tried to simplify it for you
Verbal Alchemy
Really? He seemed to be very happy. They seemed to be very caring. And excuse me, if the man manages to have two wives that are taking care of him while maintaining every one's happiness, I would give him more credit than considering him ignorant about what women are made of. Apparently he knows... two folds
Actually, that's not true, historically, women shared the males. Even cavemen, there were a male and a number of women associated with him. The new "possessiveness" is all made up. In addition, most women would tell you that they don't mind not having their dear hubbies superglued to them 24/7, especially after the initial "rush" fades away
You think one of them (or both) are gold diggers!? And 99.9% of women are not!? [Alright, I guess I should brace for hell's doors after that comment]
If you ask any man, they will tell you that the single most argued about item in ALL of the marriage is money. So ...
Abed Hamdan
Ya zalameh Zamaaan 3annak ... wallahi I missed you my friend
:)
Yes you're right, it is allowed in Islam, there are rules and guidelines around it, just like anything else. The rule is, marry, don't cheat!
Jameel
Wonderfully put. That was excellent
I think this is an extremely hypocritical world that we live in. When polygamy is equated with sodomy!
Mohannad
Huh? Why not!? People get married for sex all the time. But in Islam there is a catch, with sex comes responsibility, FOR LIFE.
Yes, women are not food, but as with any pleasure regardless if it's physical, intellectual, social, spiritual, mental .. etc .. with every pleasure comes boredom. You eventually overdose on it and die :)
And there are no stupid opinions here... Everyone is entitled to have their own
OmAr
I'm really glad your entertained. After all, that's the ultimate goal of practically everything... to fill up this empty life with ... things!
But you didn't tell us what you think :)
Mariam Ayyash
LOL ... George Clooney ... that lucky bastard!
You wouldn't share your husband? How about when you have kids, you think you will have as much time for him? Whether you like it or not, you're going to share. In fact, you'll have too much of him and offer it to other people sometimes
You're right, el kul khair oo barakeh, and the lady doesn't need to be a super model to marry (actually those are not good for marriage) But anyway, people vary, and prettier girls have bigger chances. KFC is a good example (IMHO) because it's hot, spicy and intense with taste (and fat) so it tastes good. Not as good as an expensive piece of steak, but wouldn't that fill you up?
The idea is that it's cheap and tasty. If we take that example, an average woman can compete with the best steak out there! But she needs to add "spice"
انونيموس
YES .. I LOVE that show... It's so damn good! But I hated how they were showing that at some point the guy was doing it for sex only!
And I didn't like the 70 year old to 14 year old marriages... there's some bad feelings there I think
And the important thing that he's fair, and he gets them what they need, check (al nisa2 aye 3)..
That story made me sick a bit, and what made me more sick is the description of "how happy and satisfied they all were"!!
And how he sleeps with this one for 2 straight nights and the same with the other.. ya must be amusing for the sheikh!
Damn, wake up for "Allah’s" sake!
Inka7o YAY!
I have my own reservations with regards to polygamy, but I find two men having sex even more disgusting. That's my personal feeling regarding the matter
How is this prostitution? Is it for the moment? Is it for a price? What happen to kids? In your words this makes every single marriage a license to prostitute, and frankly I don't see this as a fair thing to women before men
There is no true gauge for happiness, what works for you might not make someone else happy. And the fact that one of them is American, gives you a whole other dimension to the issue. You have this lady who have seen and tried everything, yet found happiness in this solution. Who am I or you to decide for HER what would make her happy or not!?
Oh and it's not 2 nights here, and 2 nights there... it's one here and one there :). I hope you can read it again but away from personal, social and religious dogma!
Inka7o is the correct term in Arabic means Marry, and not perform sexual acts. There is nothing wrong with it. But only in the broken Arabic of some orientalists it meant something else!
Wake up? Naah.. I'd rather continue to dream ...
What i said was my opinion, and I didn’t force it on anybody including that American woman, and who said that Americans can’t be stupid?
Stupidity is everywhere..
Why men can have 4 wives and women cannot have but 1 husband? (Sexism)
(PS for the stupid ones: I’m against polygamy for both men and women)
Marriage is a relation between 2, 1 man and 1 woman, when a third party is involved in a relationship with one of them (outside marriage) it's called cheating, and when the "law" (shari3a in this case) legalizes it for men lets call it (legal cheating on wife), and remove the prostitution part that bugged u..
The point wasn’t the number of nights, it was the swinging issue.. YAY
In your own words, marriage is a relation between 2, 1 man and 1 women. But that man in Islam has the option to be in a second marriage with 1 more woman. It's not Marriage between 1 man and 2 women! It's 2 marriages between 1 man and 1 woman, the man happens to be the same in both cases.
I'm not going to sugar coat this for you or beautify it. Islam and Judaism, and some Christians allow multiple wives whether we like that or not .. that is irrelevant
There is no cheating. Both know and accept each other ... Where cheating implies that someone doesn't know and doesn't agree. If any of them didn't want this life, she can file for divorce.
Swing is awesome man .. come on .. you secretly crave it too :)
A woman wouldn't mind getting married to a man who's already married rather than spending the rest of her life unmarried. A poor man with a poor wife wouldn't mind marrying a rich woman to enhance his lifestyle and vice versa.
Same things in twisted words!!
This issue is over then, enjoy what you got..
And I said YAY about swinging, haha
I cant imagine u as a second husband for a lady man! Come on!
NAKHWA lol, you get 3 days a week!
"2 women = 1 man"
-by the almighty
roger 7abeebi, men in the west sleep with 12 women a year! in islam they get married to four top! with their consent, and they do not "walk away from their responsibilities" like they do when there is no signed contract... although i would say i wouldnt do it, bass im sure a lot of women do accept it, lenno its in most of womens genes that they DO GET TIRED OF MEN faster, and there are certain rules to govern a second marraige, but if the women accept it, trust me they are not "compromizing" they WANT it this way
bass badeef, when a woman has kids, she does not share her husband with her kids, q u shouldve been wiser than that ;) truth is the man feels like he is sharing his wife with his babies, and she feels she has gained a new "unaccounted for" baby :D its totally different matter, but the reality is, YES women do get jealous, and the majority WOULD choose NOT to share, thats a fact, the ruling in islam does not change this fact at all, its a constitutional thing to solve matters beyond our small areas of interest, and besides, islam did not maximize the number to four, it "minimized" it to four... they used to be tweeennnttttttty!
(PS. the man does not have to sleep with his wife on her night u know :) bekafee yegrefha 3ieshetha that night)
No Mariam, an animal is an animal, whether in the East or West. Do not get me started on why lots of men in the golf get married to more than one woman. Some reasons like, the first is not considered a full human because she is from Egypt, Sham, Lebanon, or where ever, her kids are outcasts, so there is a neeed to marry a woman from their origins to give birth to a full proud Saudi? or khaleeji! Also, they wanna solve female problems. Poor girls are more than males in the world. Therefore, each man can get, let's say, 3? maybe 4?..
I do not oppose polygamy, and believe that it is there in Islam to solve not a problem, but problems, however, most of the men who do it, do it for reasons way far from the condtions and reasons that force one to do it first place!!!
I would like to hear your comment on the latest post I posted:)
But I cannot imagine two people having a deep relationship that any one of them would even think of polygamy. but the usual loveless marriges I would think the women will even welcome the break, if it was not for her worrying about her image.
and those "most women" who wudnt mind have either been forced to marriage or had it the "traditional" way! but if someone got married out of love then trust me, she wud NEVER accept the thought of someone sharing her man.
also money is the main issue in 3/4th marriages that arent out of love, wallahi hal shab munaseb w ibn 3eileh w bla bla bla, well since i dont love X at least y3ayeshni merta7a :la6em: when its out of love, it doesnt matter who brings the bread home! and it doesnt matter what quantity or quality of bread it is either.
bout gold diggers being 99% of women, i wudnt go there if i were u :p
he is happy ya jama3a .. why do we have to question his situation ..?
anyway ... wallah i don't accept to be even a first wife to any actor coz he would cheat me and i'll find that he has many other mistress fa shu beddde bewaj3et halras .. someone to love me and to respect me is accepted ... but eza fakar mojarad fekra to bring me another wife .. la asawed 3eshto ..
this man may be happy .. 3njad if he is fair enough with both of them then he didn't do anything wrong .. bs shabab hal2yam yallah yefta7o bet 3shan yefta7o beten ??
looooooooool :P
ma ektalafna, our social problems are not by choice rather by ignorance,as u stated they are because of ignorance of how to deal with the system (islam) , free sex is europe is what they thrived to get! ba3dein u cannot deny for one second that the number of bastards who dont know who their fathers are is outrageous, what do u call sperm banks? some kids will not even have the choice to know who their fathers are... no matter how u put it, its very very low, and it is by their choice...
when u compare the westerns low solution with the eastern low solution to unmarried girls, guess who comes out lower?
While I realize the decision is made by two consenting adults where I am not against allowing people to decide whether they are into a polygamy marriage or not, I find it a bit sexist to give this right for men while prohibited it from women. The argument of who would be the daddy has lost its credibility in an era where science can determine that via DNA. Who said that 'who is the daddy' was gurauanteed with marriage anyway?
I find it a bit funny when people bring up homosexuality and compare it to polygamy trying to make it look like west vs east debate! Homosexuality isn't explicit on the west, and polygamy isn't condemned because it is accepted in Islam.
Even a lot of Muslim scholars say that polygamy is allowed only under very strict circumstances where it can help.
I stand with the amount of hurt inflicted on a human being. If polygamy inflicts pain on women who accept it for no alternative, then I am against it, if it can help save a woman for the lack of other help alternative then why not?
If they are happy then why should I care if the man marries 10 women?
Just for the record, I personally would not accept it for myself and would choose divorce.
(i have a personal view that i have been holding because i can be right or wrong, but here goes nothing) after divorce, men remarry instantly, woman are not allowed until three periods or three months, (let alone being shared!) against to what have been known, there is no proof in history that this is to confirm pregnancy, because we know it takes one period (and recently medical tests) to confirm pregnancy... but what if sextual relationship with different men within less than three periods is dangerous to women health? scientific explorations really is not well advanced to confirm many things, and those women who do have multiple relationships, nobody made a connection to genetic engineering, so maybe it takes five generations before someone comes up and say, this is what our great great great great ancestors did to us!
do u trust? i trust!
w walla enno george clooney SHAGFEH!
Frankly, I think in this day and age, Polygamy should be abolished. I think it should be done gradually though to phase it out.
The first step is to impose taxation on this matter, to make it a harder. Then provide more social justice for the couple after .. "love has gone bye-bye"
So there should be no one with the upper hand. Marriage should be AT WILL making it or dissolving it
I think one woman should be enough, and one man should be enough.
But the issue is far from that simple. There are poli-socio-economic reasons why the west decided on the one woman rule HOWEVER, looking deeply into it, it appears that it comes from religious background. A hypocritical secular position if you ask me.
The more I think about it, the more I feel confused about the whole matter. On one hand I see the good and bad. and on the other I see the good and bad too. It's NOT an easy thing. And it's CERTAINLY not for everyone
One thing is for sure, it keep Pfizer in business :)
A man is a man is man ... it's all the same .. shared or not .. If he's compassionate, considerate, and able, then why not?
After couple of years of marriage, a man becomes part of the household furniture. Boring and our of fashion, but you still need a that couch to sit on... and soon it will be dedicated to the cats :)
I frankly rather know where my husband is, and who's he doing it with, and how he's spending his time than not knowing all this stuff and waking up one day to "Honey, sorry, but I tested HIV +ve"