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« My dear, everyone liesافتتاح قسم خاص للعاهات »

Arab men, Arab women

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Wednesday, February 07, 2007 10:26:31 AM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (8204) times

    • Currently 4.6/5 Stars.
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    Rated 4.6/5 stars (156 votes cast)

    I'm touching on this matter again, because once again, as I browse around blogs and read people's comments. I keep getting the same interesting responses. Mainly unmarried Arab ladies, in their twenties, just fuming over Arab men. How these men are selfish, chauvinistic, hypocritical and liars.

    I keep touching on this because as an Arab man, I'm deeply offended by these words. Not only are they unjust generalizations, but they serve absolutely no purpose.

    Update

    I'm updating this article because some people seem to think that it insinuates things I didn't mean it to. So for the sake of clarity, this article has been updated

    I on the other hand am a great proponent of Arab women, I am deeply proud of them, and extremely fascinated by the achievement, worthy causes on the path of social justice and amazing success in just about every field there is.

    Growing up, I learned that every human, male or female is just as valuable, and has as much to offer to enrich human civilization each from their own perspective. Each from their own post. I also learned the absolute necessity of diversity and how no one can live without other people who might be dissimilar in physical appearance. Yet just as important intellectually and have a lot to offer humanly, socially, scientifically and are a corner stone for future human evolution.

    What strikes me as odd is the fact that such ladies, with all due respect, are continuously laying the foundation for another generation of narrow minded, racist and discriminatory practice. It doesn't matter who does the discrimination the fact of the matter is that it exist.

    In one remark, someone mentioned that Arab men are hypocrites. I would like to examine that a little bit closely. Is it true that all Arab men are like that? And if this was the case, is it truly localized to Arab men or it's also an intrinsic feature of Arab women as well?

    • When a specific lady boasts that she's religious, wearing the veil and basically flaunting to the universe that she's better than all the rest with her virtue, while secretly keeping male relationships that might not all be innocent in nature, isn't Wouldn't this too a form of hypocrisy?
    • When a woman decides to perform every sexual act in the book sans penetration sex and still brag about her virginity and chastity.  isn't Wouldn't this too a form of hypocrisy?
    • When some ladies end up having non-Arab lovers knowing deep inside that it's not going to last and that she will end up marrying some unsuspecting Arab guy,  isn't Wouldn't this too be a form of hypocrisy?
    • When rules like "It's OK as long as no one knows about it" are so often repeated that it reaches a level where most would think that it's inspired by the divine. Wouldn't this also be considered hypocrisy?
    • When an Arab lady knows that her brother or relative has a drinking, women, or gay issues yet she presents him to all her friends as prince charming who divinely descended to this planet.  isn't Wouldn't that a form of hypocrisy?

    I'm not trying to say that men are better or their actions are justified. Or that the Arab society is just and forgiving towards women because we all know that it's not. What I am trying to say that although some cross the line, many many more abide by the rules, and are exemplary in their actions. Yet they are shamelessly and unjustly bundled with the loose pack.

    Don't many Arab Ladies realize how difficult it is for a guy to maintain his sanity let alone chastity and virtue in a world that is practically flooding with every possible alluring vice ever created easily accessible and right at their nose? Wouldn't people like that deserve admiration? Wouldn't people like that deserve acknowledgement and recognition for their amazing resilience and defiance in the face of unfavoring odds?

    Too many questions with so very few answers!

    People like me who have vowed not to ever submit to the temptation, and have decided that no matter what happens, they will only end up with an Arab lady, not because they don't have a choice or that they view other women as inferior but because they deeply believe that they want to be a link in a continuous chain of amazing tradition, and respect their existence and the existence of their ancestors by never, ever following the easy way out, and follow the harder path of being with an Arab lady that they will respect, cherish and connect with till the last day in their life

    I know that some men would marry on the eve of their wife's death. But I also happen to know men who couldn't bear living without their partners and just followed their partners to the grave. The examples on both sides are abundant. So it's really a unfair and a shame to just put everyone in the same bucket and just consider all the same chauvinistic hypocrites.

    I don't know what many Arab ladies have faced in their lives. I'm sure their positions are justified, but basing all their argument on the few men in their life is an extreme disservice to all the men out there!

    And to All of you Arab men reading this too, remember that people ARE watching, You represent us ALL, make sure you give the right example. For the sake of everyone, but before all, for your own sake

    Update

    I didn't mention all of the above to mandate or force people to think that it's up to me to decide how they live their life or if their personal choices and behaviors are any of my concern. They are not.

    The examples I gave above do mention certain acts, but I totally believe that some of the actions being done are totally up to the people doing them. What's wrong in this case is that people are viewing what some men are doing, and considering it hypocrisy. That's the wrong part and that needs to go away

    Maybe they have in fact done things, how is that hypocritical? Who knows, maybe they learned a thing or two.

    Other Memories Documented on February 07
    « My dear, everyone liesافتتاح قسم خاص للعاهات »

    Memories....

    • #1
    • Batman
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/7/2007 11:30:43 AM
    I think most of the disappointments that Arab Girls/Guys faces are results for wrong decisions that are made on wrong basis; we get emotional quickly and don’t count our steps. Serious relationships needs time to build and secure.
    Qwaider

    I read your first post about the issue, I did not feel that it was a genral thing, when I read the ladies replies I was surprised that women do actually think like that. I don't know do we like to play the victim woman or the rebellious woman. Beats me !

    I have a small theory from personal experience, it may not be true and it may not be general, at the same time it may shed some light. I grew up living in dual nationality society, meaning our moms are not Arab and our dads are Jordanian. We the kids and teenagers had to go through an identity crisis; we did not feel 100% Jordanian nor did we feel European ! we loved the things and values that are associated with Europe, but when traveling or visiting family we did not feel we belong there either. many I know still do not know who they are and thus are still rebelling against this society ( some in a very stupid way !) some of us the lucky ones figured who we are as people no matter what society we belong to and now are comfortable in our own skin.

    I guess what I'm trying to say in so many words, is that people ( male or female ) are going to be rebellious and unrealistic and judgmental until they find out who they are. Then they can take a calmer look at others. TV, Cinema, art in general made it impossible not to get brushed with other societies, and hence every one has to go through the discovery journey some just take more time than others.

    Sorry for the long comment, if it totally does not make sense, feel free to delete it : )
    • #3
    • Rebellious Arab Girl
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/7/2007 1:25:19 PM
    Qwaider.. in your comment you have mentioned the word rebellious far too many times! lool

    Also I agree with your article about the hypocrisy and generalization. The problem with us girls that once we have a bad experience in life from the opposite gender we tend to end up generalizing and thinking that all men are the same. Also yah, I agree that some women out there are not as innocent as they seem. I know a lot and I have met a lot!
    fi3lan

    beddi akteb 3arabi


    7afaro rasna...! fee bloggat bas sho'3ol :

    المرأة...تعدد الزوجات...الطلاق...الزوج العربي؟...الابصر شوو...والله قرفونا..تقولش همة مش نساء عربيات..تقولش أبوهم من مانهاتن وامهم من أكسفورد...

    قطيعة انشاءالله
    • #5
    • s.n.
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/7/2007 7:54:08 PM
    Right on Q!
    Agreed, we women do tend to generalize, but it's not like we don't have a reason!
    And you are absolutely right, generally women are SO NOT what they seem, and some guys are really stupid and fall for women's lies... Guys can be really naive too.
    and they speak about men as if their fathers & brothers are not males..haha..o kaman ga6ee3a insha2allah :D
    • #7
    • aya
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/7/2007 10:18:30 PM
    hahahaha abed klamk mzboot en7afr rasna ! ohy kman a6ee3a  !m3 ene bent bs klamk mzboot o mshan alla fkona mn hal mawadee3 o ma azon el sh3'leh elha d5l bel gender mn aslo wla elha d5l enk 3rbe wela inshalla mn el mree5 o elkol nazel t3meem o 3njd so2al hl2 el bnat e5wankom o abookom heak ?
    • #8
    • DaLiA
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/7/2007 10:27:27 PM
    Well..Men are just men whether they were ARAB or not!
    anyway...from my own point of view i think that hypocrisy exists in both genders! But since "females" are more sensitive,emotional,and talkative they can express more about how they feel and spread the news -the bad experience the guy made them go through- widely! welshab katoom msa5am so betroo7 3laih :P
    Qwaider; I think that the argument between men and women is a very wide issue..there is alot to talk about with such a subject. So try to add more thoughts to be discussed about this okz?
    Batman,
    True, thanks
    Tamara
    Interesting theory, we should discuss it some more. And this is exactly why I'm choosing a mother that is of the same background as myself. Yes it's true we didn't get married yet, but there's nothing that prohibits me from being prepared for the future
    And Tamara, I would never delete your stuff ...
    Rebellious Arab Girl,
    It's not directed personally at you or anyone else, BUT if you think that way of men, then you're the one mentioned and you might like to keep a note of it
    Basing our judgement towards the whole gender on the few people me met, lived with or heard stories about is a serious injustice to half the world
    Abed Hamdan
    Tawwel balak ya zalameh, we need to communicate, and educate. Maybe it will help some ! who knows
    S.N
    Thanks, that's exactly one of the points. So branding the all male Arabs with that is really unjustified and unfair
    Aya
    Thanks, Mazboot, that's so true. It has nothing to do with one's origin or gender ... and everyone is generalizing ... generalizing ... while lacking the least amount of logic behind it
    And yes, that's a good question. Are your brothers and father like that!? and IF they are, do you think ALL brothers and fathers are like that?!
    DaLiA,
    LOL@ Msa5am ... LOL ... That's so funny.
    I've tackled this same matter several times before, but each time from a different angle, but I totally agree with you that it's such a broad subject that few articles might not be enough to keep it all
    Tamara, the only thing that came to my mind when reading your comment is Lisa-Suhair Majaj's poem "Recognized Futures"( she is a woman writer with a hyphenated identity, half Pal. and half Amer.). The most interseting thing in this writers identity is that her very name is hyphenated representing both cultures she belogs to. Anyways, in the poem she expresses the feelings she went thrugh growing up with this dual identity that rendered her restless not knowing what side of her heritage to identify with. But eventually found her self when recognizing both sides, which amazingly represents one, that is herself. The poem is just soooo beautiful that i'd really want you to read and enjoy (google it). please check this comment!
    • #11
    • Jameel
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 2/8/2007 9:54:38 AM
    Excellent post, As usual. I’d like to add one thing and I will start with an anecdote I once heard: A guy opens his lunch box and finds a salami sandwich, he starts complaining that he is getting sick of eating salami sandwiches for lunch every day, one of his mates who is also getting sick of him complaining everyday suggests that he asks his wife to make him the sandwich that he likes. But my wife does not make my sandwiches, I do, he said!
    Moral of the story is that many a times we create or contribute to the problems we complain about.
    To all the Arab women complaining about Arab Men Chauvinistic and Promiscuous attitudes and behaviors, I ask, are you sure you are not contributing to this problem? Haven’t these men been raised by Arab Women?  How many times have you heard a mother boasting about her son’s romantic escapades or her husband’s past success with other women? How many times you heard a mother in law complaining about her son’s wife not being subservient enough?
    Well, Arab Women in addition to complaining, have in their hands the capability to change or at least drastically improve the situation by choosing the Wright mate that conforms to what they are preaching and raise their kids, boys and girls, accordingly
    Thanks Q, I'm always ready for a good discussion, just wanted to make it clear, that true are exposed to two different societies in a more obvious way, but every one these days are ! with the world becoming a global village every one gets a taste of the west and some do really get confused.

    Secratea

    Thanks for the poem, its really nice and so true ....
    • #13
    • Nicole
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 11/25/2011 11:36:30 AM
    • SpamScore=[6]
    hi, your post is well written but i honestly believe both arab men and women are terribly hypocritical in how the present themselves to the public versus what they really do and how they think of themselves as religious and moral yet in reality engaging in extreme immoral and corrupt things.
         i am american but spent two years living in an arab country. I never faced more two-faced people in all of my life; not just in dating but in almost every way- much more so than what I have experienced in the USA, europe or even asia. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but it was what i observed and experienced.  i see no point in wearing abayas except to please society (as the moral aspect has fallen) if the people's minds and hearts secretly feel and act differently. There were so many many cheaters in the country and many girls had hidden relations with men.

         I found people to be extreemly twisted; on one hand judging western girls or people so harshly when they themselves (arabs) were actually doing worse things behind closed doors. It really leaves a bad impression on the expats who actually get to see the culture and people for who they really are.

        I think most of these preconceived notions are due to planned false education. Sometimes, I think it a plot to keep the status quo because if the population knew that other countries actually lived better and had better education they might feel bad and the arab dudes in power would look like fools since everyone would know how corrupt and inept most of them are (which seems to be happening a bit now as the youth becomes more educated).

         I am sure there must be a some decent arab people around but it is all relative. One arab friend was so cool with me but very abusive to the housemaid (which i find inhumane), so even though my friend is cool in dealing with me; overall, he is not that cool of a person due to his harsh treatment of servants.

         The culture is the problem itself; it is breeding corruption and lack of accountability- and allows for the bad behaviors to continue with no one batting an eye. When expat laborers are treated as slaves under extreemly harsh conditions where is the arab person sticking up for them of giving them a hand? Where is all this morality and amazing tradition they are talking about- When the man in the house is having an affair with the housemaid while the wife is living in the house- where is the conscience ? It's total hogwash.

         It is difficult for arabs to accept any criticism (thus dont self-improve or self-reflect so much) probably due to the shame factor they have indoctrinated into them since babyhood (not a healthy or good cultural tradition in my opinion. I am not talking about arabs living outside of an arab country; the ones born are raised in an arab country with out any outside perspective.
     
       Most expats are quite shocked when they first move to an arab country and see what really goes on there. I had more respect and good feeling towards arabs before i lived in an arab country; then, due to the behavior of the local people there I lost that respect.
       
            You view on marriage seemed a bit short sighted considering the rest of your post was pretty fair. First, marrying an arab girl seems the the easier path; not the harder path (marrying an outsider is harder due to family pressure and government restrictions). There is no basis for this comment as some arab girls are easier to deal than others; same for non arab girls. And, there is no guarantee you will love and cherish a girl just because she is arab. In fact, i see many arranged marriages lacking the loving or cherishing part.  After a while, the man always seems to take a girlfriend on the side and sometimes the wife takes a secret lover.

          Also, a continuous chain of tradition might not be the best thing actually; it kept most arab countries in medieval states up unto about 40-50 years ago when oil started flowing and the governments (kings/shiekhs) could pay for bringing in expats to build all the roads and developments. There is also a lot of history of mixing in the past through tribal warfare and slave trade- that was the previous tradition (your ancestors) Even, the prophet Mohammed (pbuh) took non-muslim/arab wives. So, it seems you are just saying what is expected of you and what you have been told as 'good' to avoid some shame; not what your heart might feel or what you would naturally choose or what actually happened historically if left free without this 'cultural training'.
    You too can have your Memories Documented

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