Bride's virginity!

Some people see it as absolutely unacceptable, while others view it as woman's right to do so. Similar to many things that people bullishly charge to defend mainly due to social epidemics that have been left unchecked for a very long time.

Unfortunately, many fail to see that a bride having her hymen intact is absolutely no guarantee of her virtue in the world where other sexual practices are quite common place. Raising many doubts regarding this matter. What such surgeries provide is one more way to mask is a past that may or may not be as active as some might imagine.

Hymen would generally break during sexual activities that require vaginal penetration, with so many different variations to the procedure, anyone above the age of 13 probably already know all about this.

But what hymen doesn't prove is some one's virtue in the presence of other sexual practices that don't involve penetration. In addition, with reconstruction that advantage is totally lost. Having an intact hymen doesn't guarantee for a single moment that the lady is disease free or that a relationship would last, since that factor is seriously over exaggerated by many.

Many prefer to have a meaningful relationship and learn to accept and move on from that point onward, mainly because the past should really be put to sleep and not even thought about. While others are adamant in requiring absolute purity.

In a society like Jordan where honor killings are still practiced, many find that this "reconstruction" is the only option out for ladies, when in fact, it complicates the matter even more and puts the burden of living with it on the future husband instead of where it should really fall. The family of the girl, and their beliefs.

Islamically speaking, the punishment for premarital sex is absolutely NOT death. And when a man discovers that his bride is not a virgin he has two simple choices. "امساك بمعروف او تسريح بإحسان" and that is basically, keep the marriage and be compassionate or, or let her go and also be good with her.

Since the Islamic rule is very clear, there is no need for anyone to decide that the Islamic rule is too humane and decide to take matters in their own hands by simple murdering the girl. While usually the accomplice is still at large.

Another Islamic piece of information about this is that Virginity, is really not a condition to marriage, therefore a husband discovering such matter can choose one of the two things mentioned above.

Again, people seem to forget that having a hymen is just like many things, doesn't guarantee virtue after marriage, doesn't guarantee a good relationship or a meaningful existence.

My personal view on this is that both parties need to be open and frank about their condition. For example, a future wife needs to be absolutely in the clear about her future husbands issues, like Sexually transmitted diseases or impotence or anything related to that. It's her absolute right to know. Similarly the husband has the right to know about hers. If they agree and decide to go on despite these matters and decide that the relationship is more important than that stupid membrane, then they have made a conscious decision to overlook the past and focus earnestly on the future.

Some argue that sometimes, the woman doesn't know the suitor well enough to tell him, but I find that absurd, if you don't know someone well enough to tell them about your past, then how the hell are you going to share their bed!

The issue is not about "اذا بليتم فاستتروا" as in if you had a problems hide them. But rather a matter of trust and honesty. If some one's previous mistake includes a sexually transmitted disease, the partner has every right to know. In fact, it's a law, such things Must be disclosed in advance. People just need to stop thinking of non-virgins as people who have committed "mistakes" and rather it's a condition. Maybe it wasn't a mistake, maybe she was absolutely convinced and enjoyed it! Who knows, branding it as a "mistake" is just another method of aliasing the condition.

At the end of the day, what's a marriage without honesty? I fail to find an answer to that other than ... "Nothing!". Quite frankly, I would rather ending up with a non-virgin than someone who tried to fool me!