The illusive Mr Right

By: Qwaider

On:Wednesday, August 23, 2006 1:45:57 PM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (6846) times

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I was talking to a friend, and through her words, I was able to infer that the problem of finding Mr Right is quite a serious one

searching I've talked about this before, many people have talked about this before. But my discussion with my friend gave me some additional insight on the matter from the Female side.

The issue is not about finding a Man, they're abundant, they over crowd the streets, work place and come in waves requesting the honor of marrying a girl

But the actual problem is finding quality men. Truth be said, if the girl is somewhat decent, it's a tough decision. Why did I specifically say "decent". Simply because these are the deprived few that have very limited experiences and depend on their mental skills to evaluate a possible groom

The issue is even worse, because many of the "decent" girls are not the type to "try before you buy". If they go through the experience they go in wholeheartedly and hope that it would get them where they want to be

Some call them picky, others call them arrogant, or even crazy and unrealistic. But I see the other side, do you just surrender your future to the first person who knocks your door? or to number 100 because "Your chances are getting less and less attractive with time?"

I think people should embark on such a step only after the whole picture is clear and there is a level of understanding, compatibility, potential and many other guidelines. To ensure a better future. Although, as we all know ...... there are no guarantees

What I would advise everyone is simple, make sure you're clear. Make sure you don't have a hidden agenda. Make sure you don't take advantage of the other party. It's not a fight, it's not a game, it's a very serious matter and honesty is the best policy

Never ever, decide to accept someone because he's "Mr right-now" it's not fair ... And if that was the case, let them know. Don't make them feel that they're safe with you, when they're only there to fill a specific void and they're gone after that.

Open your heart, and understand that all qualities combined will always have a constant value for all people. Success, Beauty, Brains, Money ...etc combined will always equal a finite and a constant value

A sad day it would be if you realise the Mr Right, is actually, your Ex

Good luck

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Memories....

#1
Red Rose
Said
On: 8/23/2006 2:06:12 PM

Hi Qwaider..it seems i am gonna post the first comment..amm..tks for the clear right vision regard this matter,i agree with you the most imortant thing not to choose the person because he is the only right one available now!!but because if you have been given the chance to re-choose your life partner agian and you you choosed the same person you did before 50years before,u will have no regret..bside the most important that the man should show to woman the feeling that HE WILL NOT FAIL HER..then whatever happened gonna be ok..i believe in chemistry also between people.sheklo long comment sar ;)tks for this post.

#2
sarah
Said
On: 8/23/2006 3:37:38 PM

Hi Qwaider here we are two roses in ur page now a red one and me (blackrose) ;)neyelak ya 3amm :D
back to the subject and seriously the problem is the limits and the rules that the society surround us by ,i beleive we are here in lebanon and thanks GOD akid much better than other arab countries we can still have better chances but as for a lady that sits in the house and wait for mr .Right do u think she can obviously decide or judge that hes the one? i dont think so because she doesnt have experiences and never had a commitment b4 so u cant ask her to have better ideas and choices ,she will decide upon the requests shes getting and that might be always NOT right
at the end i wish the best for who deserves ,the best of luck ,love and choices
take care Mr. Q ;)

#3
wedad
Said
On: 8/23/2006 4:30:57 PM

in the right time!!!

#4
7ala
Said
On: 8/23/2006 11:04:19 PM

"Never ever, decide to accept someone because he's "Mr right-now" it's not fair ... And if that was the case, let them know. Don't make them feel that they're safe with you, when they're only there to fill a specific void and they're gone after that."

#5
Arab Lady
Said
On: 8/23/2006 11:05:54 PM

Walahi walahi I wanna cry hala2!

Sarah said it,,there r hundred of thousands sitting at home waiting but days and years go by & they are still waiting!!!…….a girl should never miss any opportunity that might lead to finding Mr. Right…

By the way there is nothing called Mr.Right..u should accept the man u love with his negatives b4 his positives ….i was very open-minded & flexible with the first man I met in my life………I accepted his 99 faults and never tried to change him asI will never change myself with no apparent reason to please my guy……accept and recognize the differences it’s the only way to live with peace and happiness with him…..
But guess wut.. our societies and the eastern man never respect the woman who had previous relationships with other men even if nothing wrong happened …but men can date and mess with other women meanwhile they r still “DECENT”…aren’t they double-standard?

Of course they r

I feel that my Mr.Right is somewhere in this crazy world but i know that i wont meet him

#6
hamede
Said
On: 8/24/2006 12:41:02 AM

Where do i sign.

#7
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 12:42:09 AM

the never ending subject!

I had a hard understanding this: Why did I specifically say "decent". Simply because these are the deprived few that have very limited experiences and depend on their mental skills to evaluate a possible groom!

Please explain so I can respond accordingly...

Arab lady, why do you wanna cry?
And why are you so pessimistic? inshallah you'll find your mr. right ! :D lissa il dunya bkhair!

my mr. right is simple. He's hot, successful, open minded, witty, spiritually uplifting and financially stable :D

#8
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 12:43:10 AM

hamede sign for what? :D

#9
hamede
Said
On: 8/24/2006 1:39:29 AM

Iman Sign that i agree with the post.

#10
Arab Lady
Said
On: 8/24/2006 2:38:03 AM

Immmmmmmmman,
"my mr. right is simple. He's hot, successful, open minded, witty, spiritually uplifting and financially stable :D"

Only bas!!! la2 ya sheekha kteeer 2ano3a enti

plz add to the list

very well educated
his mom passed away years ago (ma bedi 7amai)
living abroad (ma bedi to live in any arab country)

mmmmm wut else that's it so far

#11
Arab Lady
Said
On: 8/24/2006 2:40:35 AM

by the way ana i dont want to sign! didn't agree with the decent thing :P

b'7ak ybayee3ni amlaki

#12
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 4:41:54 AM

hamede, Thanks :d

Arab Lady, yeah...educated, smart, intelligent, intellectual, well cultured were not included because they're a given

You want an Arab American?! you're chances of getting one are pretty high actually...you see, our Arab American men prefer to go 'back home' and pick an 'innocent delicate beauty' for a wife! ;)

#13
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/24/2006 7:15:02 AM

RedRose, Ahla oo Sahla always. El server server aboona, and you can post as much as you like :). Now, you mentioned a number of things, The man not failing the woman, the chemistry and a bunch of things. Yes, I agree. Although I am alergic to this word, "Chemistry"
Sarah, ya ahlaaaan :). Yes my good dear sister, two roses, You and Red rose, and a bunch of angels. You're all always welcome in my modest home. Now I don't think any ladies sit at home anymore. You ladys are all out and about and that's not always the case
Wedad, The right person?
7ala, well said? :)
ArabLady#1: Don't Cry tawwli balek :). I agree with you. Sitting at home and expecting Mr Right to come looking for her is probably a bad policy. I agree with you about the stupid social view differentiating between the man and the woman. But I don't think it's right. For instance, if a guy that I know to have fooled around proposes to my sister, I wouldn't accept him if the choice was up to me. As for you changing him .... come on ... :) There is no woman who doesn't want to change her man ... it's a fact... she wouldn't want to change for him but would change for her friends. It's ironic. You will find your Mr Right, and if you don't you should make you should promote your Mr-7af to Mr-Right
Hamede: You just did :) thank you very much
Iman#1:Decent women who have not lived till they're 35 partying and drinking and waking up in a different bed every weekend, and then decided to settle down and get married. What!!!?!?! Are you talking about me?
Iman#2: ...
Arab Lady#2: :) yeah ... she's very modest. but 7aram 3alaiki ... You don't want him to have a mom. Ya sater. 7aram 3alaiki ya bint el 7alal
Arab Lady#3: Why don't you agree?
Iman#3: Bas balash Innocent, wallah ma 7ada innocent illa ana! El kul m2atte3 el samakeh oo dailha hal2ayyam

#14
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 7:43:03 AM

I just read Sarah's comment...and I don't get it! Why do we have to have been around to have a sound decision as to who is the right one for us!? I don't have to have had a million and one relationships to know what I am looking for!

we all have a mental list of what we're looking for in a future mate...and so regardless of where and how we meet people, we're very likely to evaluate them based on the set of standards we have pre-defined for 'the one.' and depending on how that goes, a potential is born!

Qwaider, well, I don't know ...successful? yes...open minded? maybe...witty? perhaps...spiritually uplifting? I have No clue...and saving the best for last, hot? i can't tell from that picture :d
also, as far as innocent..it depends on how you define it. :D

#15
ABOUD
Said
On: 8/24/2006 9:52:04 AM

The is nothing called "Mr. Right", it is either that I find "the one" that was created for me, or the hell with marriage.

And what about the list that everyone is putting, are you going to the supermarket to get a husband or what??
I wonder if you have a checklist also that you use when you meet men???!!!

Nowadays in Jordan, marriage is more like legal prostitution!!!
Ya when girls marry elderly men just because they are financial capable, what do you call that??

Chemistry comes when people get to know each other, when people's hands touch, that's when you say if there is/isn't chemistry.

#16
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:33:28 AM

Aboud ya zalameh ... Tawwel balak!
But you're Absolutely right, rich elderly men getting the "girls" and burying them in wells of deprivation. You can forget about anything. Yeah they can allow them to travel have a maid a car and every wish fulfilled, and with Viagra possibly perform their duties. But with no soul or original feelings. Just a pretty little toy .. A poodle if I may add... a little pet...
And when a decent young man comes along they bury him with things that he can't afford...

#17
7ala
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:33:33 AM

Its not about well said or not , its .. Idont know , the post is confusing ...
Any way as you said "it's a very serious matter and honesty is the best policy" !

#18
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:34:22 AM

7ala, yis3ed saba7ek ... did you have your coffee yet?

#19
rasha
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:42:22 AM

Confusing...I like what u wrote about decent girls it's very true
but yet I don't think having a lot of experience is good though a woman who new a lot of men in her life will find it harder to get a man that satisfies her dreams because she will be always trapped by comparison...same for men i think

#20
thecaller
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:46:08 AM

Asalam 3alaykom,
I agree with aboud 100%..about everything he said..
+..even Q's "constant" list is strange to me.u can't list.and most of all u can't put money included.money is to purchase ..that's it..not to find the one,just ruins the whole perspective..
people tend to complicate things when allah made them simple and for a purpose...marry who is right for u as to give YOU the sakan w mawada w ra7ma...if it's calculations..those meanings would vanish and again you'll be left with a no purpose marriage..and deprived souls will keep demanding..

#21
7ala
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:48:37 AM

Thank you yes3ed masak :)

Ya3ny you think when I have my coffee I will see things clearer?! I dont think so :)
You brought 3ajga to my mind :/
You know ? yes maybe I need coffee !

#22
thecaller
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:53:52 AM

Ah...we belmonasba...ya gama3a..7ad ye2ool ya3ny eh goory??
w ya3ny eh tarneeb..belmara...feeh nas mesh ordonia hena ya gama3a..allah!!

#23
rasha
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:54:10 AM

7ala... ma 3rftk o 2nti ma3joga

LOL

#24
thecaller
Said
On: 8/24/2006 10:54:51 AM

Ah...we belmonasba...ya gama3a..7ad ye2ool ya3ny eh goory??
w ya3ny eh tarneeb..belmara...feeh nas mesh ordonia hena ya gama3a..allah!!

#25
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/24/2006 11:48:30 AM

الورد الجوري عرفتيه؟
الطرنيب لعبة شدّة (كوتشينة) شرحها معقد شوي
رشا و حلا... قهوتكم ... و عجقتكم عندي
معجوق سنان

#26
Tamara
Said
On: 8/24/2006 12:28:09 PM

Nice post Q ...but I think that if a man or woman did not define themselves they will not be able to tell if this is Mr. right or Mr. Tragic mistake, decent or not has nothing to do with it. if you don't know who you are and what you want ...no way you will be able to find the right person for you, even if at the moment they seem they are, 20 years later you will figure out who you are and look at person beside you on the bed and say " God ! what was i thinking ?! "

#27
7ala
Said
On: 8/24/2006 12:38:19 PM

Tamara I totally agree with you , jd ennek btefhamy.

#28
Danah
Said
On: 8/24/2006 1:13:56 PM

Hi everybody ,

I found the post .. somehow confusing as 7ala said ..

I think .. we tend to get picker as we get older .. yet we no longer have many option then. it's not a list as ABOUD and the caller said .. but, there should be basic things that would get you to say YES .. to know that the future with this man is what you have dreamt of , despite the ups & downs .. but you know that life with him is a joy . but how .. can you distinguish the one .. this is still a mystery for me

Tamara I loved that sentence .. "no way you will be able to find the right person for you, even if at the moment they seem they are" .. this is so true .

#29
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 2:27:17 PM

ABOUD, are you saying that you don't have a set of standards as far as what you're looking for in a future partner, wife and mother? we have 'mental lists and standards' for everything we do in life! and certainly it's not going to stop at a future partner. We all have some type of idea (some a better idea than others) of what type of life we want to live, what type of person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, what type of father we want for our children...

The caller: "and most of all u can't put money included.money is to purchase ..that's it..not to find the one,just ruins the whole perspective.."

Going in on a marriage for the sole purpose of money IS wrong, but wanting financial stability in a marriage is only right! so yes, while I am a professional and have a decent income il hamdillah, finacial stability is something i still look for in a potential...if they're not financially stable, problems will arise!

#30
thecaller
Said
On: 8/24/2006 2:46:10 PM

Asalam 3alaykom,
Iman.it is normal for reasonable people like you to think this way..it is right..won't argue..
but here..i am speaking my mind..through my experience..and when we live we are longing to what fulfills our needs not anybody else's..so ..i wouldn't care for money in a relationship..i would care for spiritual and emotional sense of completment..
The feeling that will make you want to wake up in the morning to do anything for the other..how much he has or what will we eat..don't do that..and life needs material things..yes i know..but this is rezq!!what ever i do won't enterfere with that..
allah made marriage the holy bond between two for social and emotional and religious satisfaction..and al2arzaq 3ala allah..
see ..al sayeda khadija wouldn't have married sayedna mo7amad if so..look at the sa7aba's simple and clear standerds at marriage and you'll find out that we complicate things 3al 2akher..
sorry for the looooooong comment:):)

#31
Qwaider
Said
On: 8/24/2006 7:40:45 PM

Tamara: The fact is, the more experiences you have, the better judgement call and sound your decision is. Just out of experience. Many girls from our parts of the world are not that type that would go out and "try" every single guy in town and then settle on one. They do a leap of faith. Based on the visual Data. And not on actual experience with the guy. Another fact .... But honey, if it takes you 20 years to wake up then you might as well remain in a coma. A person would know if they're going to live with each other and be good to each other from the first few months. Ya sitty a year ... Make that two ... but beyond it's not a matter of "figuring out" it becomes anything BUT figuring out
7ala: Ya3ni who ever doesn't agree with tamara ma bifham?
Danah: it's not the post that is confusing, it's the subject it is one of the problematic areas. But why are we only focusing on the man, and wanting to ensure the happiness of the woman? Maybe because we internally think that he will be happy just by her existing. Finding the one is still the main issue. As for the last sentence, I think it's a bit too pessimistic. You can find people you are compatible with, and learn to live with their features/shortcomings once you do, they become Mr Right.
Iman:...I doubt any one has longer lists than the lists girls make in their prince charming. They spend their entire childhood and youth dreaming of the perfect man! And to that, I'm sorry ladies, no man can match
ZCaller: Yes we care about everything. We want things to be perfect. But do we ask our selves one question.... Am I perfect enough to demand these things?

#32
Iman
Said
On: 8/24/2006 8:21:17 PM

The caller,
You’re righ, ultimately it’s what works for each individual!

though I tend to – at times – be driven by emotions, overall I see myself more on the pragmatic side!
And my pragmatic side tells me that – Yes, no doubt, al2arzaq are in Allah’s hands but at the same time Allah gave us minds to use and love alone is not going to feed me nor the kids I choose to bring into this world!

**Disclaimer: my definition of financial stability doesn’t include one who drives a Bentley, lives in a 30 bedroom mansion, wears armani suits and rolex watches .. it simply means someone who is ready to start a family! While I can be the breadwinner in the house, realistically speaking, it doesn’t work this way!

Thanks for your comments , always a pleasure reading your thoughts!

Qwaider: Yes, a replica of my imagination of the one is near impossible, and I accept that... but there are certain qualities I want in him that I will not compromise, regradless!