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« at your altarGirls are Evil, Revisited »

Application For Jordanian Fathers' Permission To Court Daughter

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Thursday, May 18, 2006 2:25:22 PM
  • In:Humorous
  • Viewed: (7241) times

    • Currently 4.4/5 Stars.
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    Rated 4.4/5 stars (253 votes cast)

    -Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete job history, lineage up to atleast the 7th grand ancestor, financial reports for the past 5 years and current medical report from your physician (subject to review by loyal family doctor)

    (Of course I can't claim to be the author)

    -Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete job history, lineage up to atleast the 7th grand ancestor, financial reports for the past 5 years and current medical report from your physician (subject to review by loyal family doctor)

    *Background check:-

    Name (7 makate3) : ______________________
    Date/Place of Birth :______________________
    (-Note: Yawm al Shatwa al zeinah or Sharg al sikka are no longer acceptable
    answers)

    Height: ___
    Weight (at birth/present): ___ /___
    IQ: ___
    ID & Driver's License Numbers: ___

    Tribe name and size ______
    Tribe dwellings during the great Arab revolt ______________

    Has your tribe ever raided ours? If yes, explain (A lot.) ____________

    Military rank_________________
    (-Note: If you have not served in the army, you will still be eligable but will most probably be subject to much ridicule and abuse pertaining to your non violent tendencies.Sissy .)

    *Character profile:-

    1.Number of years your parents have been married: ____
         Any brothers or sisters? ____
         Are they normal? ____

    2. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or any bodily piercings,la sama7
    Allah?___

    3. Do you have a tattoo (dagg excluded)? ____

    If you have answered YES to #2 or #3, discontinue application and leave the country immediately.

    4.If you were killed what type of compensation would your tribe expect us to pay? ________ J.D.

    5.What kind of Coffee would your tribe serve in such an event?

    *Writing skills:-

    6.In fifty words or less, what does 'Late' mean to you?

    7.In fifty words or less, what does 'go near my daughter and die' mean to you?

    8.In fifty words or less, what does 'Abstinence' mean to you?

    9.In fifty words or less, what does 'Real Pain' mean to you?

    10.Mosque you attend: _________________________
         How often do you attend: ______________________
         Have you been to Hajj/ 3omra?___________________
         If yes,what sins were you hoping to have erased?

    11.When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and kabeer al
    gabeylah?

     

    *Social skills and entertainment potential :-

    12. Please rate your ability in the following areas out of 10:(subject to
    examination by 5 expert panelists)

         a. Di7iyeh
         b. Jawfiya
         c. Dabkeh
         d. Shooting defensless birds and small animals
         e. Maximum vertical height you can throw a Mansaf ball and still catch it in your mouth without making a big fat mess.

    *Logic:-

    13. Please fill in the blanks:

          a.If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would
             be my _______________________

          b.If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my
                      ________________________

           c.If I married your daughter, i would be the_______ man alive.

           d.The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is
                     ____________________________

           e.When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is
                     ____________________________

    (- Note: If answer begins with anything other than 'her father', discontinue
    and leave premises immediatly - keeping your head low and running in a
    serpentine fashion.)


    14.What do you want to be IF you grow up?

     

    15. Who do you plan on voting for in the upcoming elections?



    I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge
    under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse
    (including but not limited to 'rababah' and 'hejaneh' improvised duets sung in
    E sharp, and inspired by my shortcomings.)

    Signature of applicant __________________
    Signature of father ___________________________
    Signature of mother _________________________
    Signature of religious advisor__________________
    Signature of MP representative_________________


    Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and chaste.
    Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if
    approved. If denied, never apply again. Don't call us, WE'LL call you....

    Other Memories Documented on May 18
    « at your altarGirls are Evil, Revisited »

    Memories....

    • #1
    • Dave
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 11/30/2007 7:08:58 PM
    Very nice. :)
    • #2
    • Umm Zaid
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 12/1/2007 1:16:05 AM
    Ba ha ha ha
    • #3
    • Firas
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 12/1/2007 1:16:58 AM
    Radical!

    Good job, this is priceless
    You too can have your Memories Documented

    Country:

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