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When congratulations get stuck in your throat

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Sunday, March 01, 2009 1:00:50 PM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (4037) times

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    Rated 4.6/5 stars (70 votes cast)

    I'm by no means a supporter of Nietzschean supremacy of healthy people over those less fortunate, and I would fight to the death for any disabled or sick person to have their rights including but not limited to every single right a healthy person has.

    But, there are couple of occasions that I just feel pain as I utter the mandatory "Congratulations" words.

    What complicates the matter even more, is knowing, ahead of time, how miserable people will be after you "congratulate them" but have nothing better to say.

    My cousin has recently got engaged. He suffers from a rare disease called "Bahjat" (Behcet). Which causes him a lot of suffering as is. His earlier marriage came to an abrupt end when life became impossible with his young wife.

    The problem is that somehow, he found a woman who completely understands his condition and is willing to tie her own destiny with his.

    While I applaud the amazing sacrifice she appears to have taken. I just can't feel deeply happy about it. It sticks in the throat. I feel sorry for both of them, and moderately happy. But very pessimistic about the whole deal.

    The other problem I just can't seem to ever stomach is when family members get married. Cousins, especially first cousins, and specifically when they have history of birth defects and abnormalities due to this inbreeding.

    Our neighbors also recently got their daughter engaged to her cousin. As if the 3 mentally challenged children her brother and his sister already have are not enough suffering.

    I know, I know, we don't know the future, and we can't predict if there will be anything negative happening in both cases. But I just can't feel genuinely happy about these things. I find that regular marriages of two very healthy people who are in love and have every reason to succeed. I find these to be a major challenge. What would happen to these? This question keeps taunting me and I just can't find a satisfying answer to it.

    If we knew that people will suffer, and the children will suffer even more. Then why allow, or worse, encourage such marriages?

    Or is it only me who sees it like that!?

    Other Memories Documented on March 01
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    • #1
    • KJ
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    • Said
    • On: 3/1/2009 1:49:46 PM
    • SpamScore=[-0.41]
    I truly understand how you feel. My mom's cousin had some incurable disease as well as partial paralysis, and unfortunately he cannot have kids. He found someone who would accept him as he was, and unfortunately she got widowed shortly after. It was a tragedy for many of us.

    Like you, I couldn't feel genuinely happy... but, perhaps, deep down I know we all as human beings are in need of love, and attention, from someone who genuinely cares and a significant other. Maybe when all other things are closed in your face because of your handicap, this is all you have and all you can offer.

    I truly wish them the best, and that this love pulls them through the hard times.
    • #2
    • Ulysses
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    • Said
    • On: 3/1/2009 6:44:34 PM
    • SpamScore=[-0.12]

    Thanks man for this great post, one of the greatest difficulties that we face is this issue, I'm not against consanguinity, but I'm definitely against it when you know that there's something wrong with you, I had so many patients who had rare hematologic diseases (thalassemia) but who insisted on giving birth to more and more children, or people whom we warned that they have some problems in their genes and they need tell the family that they should avoid relative marriages, but they won't listen, and in a couple of months we'll have their relatives coming to us with a similar disease.
    we have compete families being treated, and being warned, but without a use.

    Although it is hard to know the future, science has gotten us a lot closer to avoid many problems. One can take those blood tests and/or DNA tests to verify their chances of having children with deformities. And I know for a fact that the Jordanian health Ministry has launched many media campaigns to convince people of taking these tests.
    Nope, I agree with you. Sometimes you know they're making a horrible mistake. If the opportunity presents itself, I ask them questions designed to make them reconsider their decision. But ultimately, I push away any sadness or regret that I may feel for them, because, in the end, it's not my problem...it's theirs. And if they must make such a horrid mistake, then there must be a lesson that they are supposed to learn from it, and I would be doing their souls a disservice to disrupt their path of spiritual learning. So I stand aside and smile while they hurt themselves. Because no amount of advice or caution on my part will change their mind - they cannot hear it. They can only experience the pain which their mistakes will bring them. And then they will learn, and they will understand. Maybe.
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