On making mistakes, and fixing them
To err is human, to forgive is divine
I'm only human, and I make mistakes just like everyone else. However, being in the awkward position that I'm in right now. There are certain mistakes that I simply can't afford to make. Not only that, but certain rights and liberties that I can no longer practice.
I consider myself a responsible member in the blogging community, however, that doesn't allow me to free myself from my human shell, my human tendency to make mistakes. Although, the world looks a little more forgiving towards junior members, and with a lot more scrutiny to others.
Let me be candid on this one, no aliases. No insulations.. I made a mistake, and it was simple, I abused the power I have, there is no politically correct way to say this. I screwed up! I disappointed myself before anyone as I really hold myself to a high bar. But this time, I screwed up!
I don't know if it was my ego playing tricks on me, or the frustration of never reaching common grounds on a subject, but I know what it doesn't feel like. It doesn't feel like success or anything. In fact, it feels worse than losing. It feels like a failure to communicate.
To be the curator of any community is really no easy feat. I have to share this with you. It's like being in a kindergarten, every single child (excuse the analogy), wants that same toy that others want. Every single child want to be the first, every single child thinks he's right. To make this analogy even more accurate, imagine the teacher being one of those children as well.
For a long time, I have been very good at keeping the two "roles" separate, but, trust me, it's not that easy. To harbor alternate thought not as a matter of occasion but as a rule is a heavy burden. To stop yourself from engaging ideas on the fear that people might withdraw because you're of the other camp is heavy on any mind. But, for a long time, I managed to endure.
Well, I screwed up couple of days ago, and I -regardless of the reasons, and how justifiable they were at the time, at least in my mind- decided to remove Nizar from Qwaider Planet.
It's not the first time someone would write a full length article criticizing me, it's understandable, I am very vocal with my disagreement, and therefore having people redirect disagreement towards me in some other way is not uncommon. However, I share part of the blame. I really should know better. People don't share their ideas on their blogs to have someone, not even god himself -if you believe in god-, come and disagree with them. It makes them look stupid and have to defend their ideas, etc etc ... and many times expose many holes that they didn't originally anticipate. People don't like it
For that, many people don't like me!
I am really good at finding holes... And there isn't a single thought, in this whole universe, that is hole-free. Not even something as simple as 1+1=2. For that specific reason, people's "dislike" of me is really isn't about my debating, or logical skills. But rather for my personal skills.
Many of the bloggers and commenters that you know, and interact with daily, either comment when they agree, or comment under some other name when they disagree. It just keeps perceptions right where they're supposed to be, and people continue to be the smiley persons that they are.
Anyway, this post isn't about blaming others, or pointing out their flaws. It's about fixing what is wrong with me, and in that selfish sense I have decided the following:
- I'm going to preemptively and unconditionally return Nizar to Qwaider Planet, (of course tangible to his approval, but I will do it first to fix my mistake and if he doesn't accept this apology and demands to be removed, I will not object)
- I need some help with Jordan Blogs. I need someone else to be the curator, take care of adding/removing/resolving issues. I welcome anyone to this position, from the far left, to the far right.But the idea is that I need someone who follows up with issues and tries to be as impartial as possible. (No I'm not selling it, nor am I throwing it away, or refusing to shoulder my responsibility towards it)
- I'm willing to make any reasonable changes to the policy. Take into consideration the suitability to the masses, of all ages, of all walks of life, of all backgrounds and ethnicities
- If anyone has an objection, suggestion, remark, change, request, complain feel free to let me know. I am very flexible and willing to listen. I will do my best to accommodate.
- Although running a website or a service is similar to running a business. It's still not a democracy. Although, I will try as much as I can, with everything in my power to provide equal rights to everyone. This is not "another Arab business" behing run like someone runs their private goat herd. This is a community.
- Qwaider Planet will continue to be the beacon of -responsible- freedom of speech in the Arab world with equal access to all members of the society regardless of their age, education, gender, ethnicity, religion/lack-of, political, social, economical or background
Nobody likes to have someone look at their handy work critically, but with a lot of power comes a lot of responsibility, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Therefore, I also suggest having some reviewers go over my work, and if they decide that something is out of place, do come forward with it.
I'm not inaccessible, and I do listen. I'm not far or disjoined from this community and any disagreement I ever had with anyone in the past will not stand in the way for me, it doesn't matter who that person is.
Again, if you feel that you have ever been mistreated, misjudged or had poor experience with me. And you happen to still waste your time and read my and follow up on my blog, please accept my most sincere apology.
Finally, allow me to reassure every single person, that this will never happen again. No matter how personal, no matter how much we disagree, no matter what happens. This will never happen again. I will only remove people if, and only if, other people demand it. I will not do it for anything relating to me personally.