Are you bitter?

By: Qwaider

On:Thursday, July 06, 2006 12:20:15 PM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (8034) times

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Everyday, I read articles and comments from men and women that make me think that we seriously don't understand each other. Or are we just plain old bitter?

relationships

Relationships are complicated. We pass judgement on the whole gender based on our limited interactions in previous relationships.

Maybe we were dealt a bad hand. Does this mean all men are pigs? Does this mean all women are mindless money hogger?

The biggest question is, Did our experiences cause us to become so bitter and lose our innocent trusting nature?

The truth is, there are plenty of fish in the ocean. If someone had a rough relationship this by no means that it will or will not happen again!

Yet I see so much relationship advice that is based on myths, limited experiences and generally stereo typing of men and women.

Lets face it, no one had thousands of relationships (except maybe Sabah and Bridget Bardot who rumor has it slept with 10,000 men in 3 years! Wow!)

Anyway, as an Engineer, I can't but be scientific about my analysis and here's my ideas

In relationships, there are no rules. You make your own
There are plenty of fish in the ocean
If you don't like your partner... Throw them in the dumpster and get someone who you will like or will fit your needs
Relationships take a lot of effort, before you ask "What has he done for me lately" ask, "what have I done for him lately"
Relationships require, Compromise, sacrifice and trust
Relationships require mutual respect
Your millage WILL vary, no two experiences are the same. What works for you might not work for your sister
Love is the icing on the cake, it's a result not a means or a goal. You can have a perfect relationship with or without love. You decide
Romantic love only exists in the books, movies and fairy tales.
Males are not gods
Women are not goddesses
Different cultures have different rules for the game
Your friend's boyfriend/lover/husband/fiance is NEVER better than yours. It's a classical case of the "Grass is greener on the other side". Same goes for women
Brains x Beauty x money x compassion x availability x potential x content x acceptance= constant
Happiness doesn't come from relationships, Relationships can flourish under the harshest of circumstances
Beauty fades with time
Who ever makes you cry is not necessarily your enemy
Who ever makes you laugh is not always your friend
The closer you are to a person the more hurt you will be
The more beautiful the girl is, the higher the maintenance fees
The woman is not your servant
The man i not your check book
Larger ≠ better
Smaller ≠ worse
The bigger the muscles, the more painful the slap
The bigger the assets, the sooner you experience gravity
Slutty isn't always good, but isn't always bad!
A man should take the initiative. but not always
The woman should be shy. But not always
If you're in a relationship, there is only 1 man and 1 woman on the face of the planet. Everyone else, are genderless humans.
Listen to your elders (and respect them), but understand that not everything they say is true or correct

I guess I can go on for ever. But people... Please just use common sense, and don't allow your bad experiences to influence your life. Give people the benefit of the doubt no two people are the same

Dr Qwaider

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« Scanner Darkly(2006)

Little Miss Sunshine (2006) »

Memories....

#1
sarah
Said
On: 7/6/2006 1:23:11 PM

I AGREE WITH ALL YOUR POINTS without adding anything :D
nice try Qwaider I LOVED the issue,thanks for sharing

#2
eyad
Said
On: 7/6/2006 2:03:48 PM

Hey Dr Qwaider :)

I never knew u are a Dr ;)
i agree with 95% or more, and i like this most "Please just use common sense, and don't allow your bad experiences to influence your life."
thank you qwaider, i find it great post.

#3
eyad
Said
On: 7/6/2006 2:05:26 PM

I need you to help me, I have been lately writing poems!
is that bad? :)
romantic poems i think ;)

#4
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/6/2006 2:08:10 PM

I write poetry myself. And love it :D. I've been writing for ever! but, most people don't get them so I'm not adding any here
But I did manage to ad a few ;-)

No, that is NOT bad. In fact, it's very good, to be able to express yourself in a poetic artistic way. Is an amazing gift

#5
Ola
Said
On: 7/6/2006 2:11:42 PM

Another rule: Don't seek a relationship for its own sake, in other words: Just for the heck of it! Make sure you need this relationship, and that it will fulfill you. Don't seek it as an "end" but rather as a "mean"

#6
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/6/2006 2:14:46 PM

Ola, I'm not sure I agree.
Most of the time, we don't seek a Relationship, we find our selves in one :)
But sometimes we ask for it ... we feel the urge for it ...
Not every relationship need to be a serious relationship :) Right?

#7
Roba
Said
On: 7/6/2006 3:17:28 PM

Dr. Phil sayer inta hal kamen yom ;)

#8
Pathetic Loser
Said
On: 7/6/2006 4:07:38 PM

Excuse me,
But can you please tell us a little bit about your personal experiences in relationships,
Maybe that will give your ridiculous “male/female interaction” advices some credibility,
Since it sounds like, at least according to the set of morals that you claim and keep bragging about, that you have never been in anything that could be considered a real relationship (not that there is anything wrong with that), but it definitely makes all your arguments sound even sillier (if thats even possible).
And by the way, 95% of what you wrote above is offensive to both men and women.

#9
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/6/2006 8:06:25 PM

Roba, you're the only one who got it :D. That's EXACTLY what I meant

Pathetic Loser! Do I really need to answer you? 95% offensive? God damn it! It should have been 150% offensive to give people the shock and awe they need sometimes to wake up. As for my relationships ;-), I bet you would want to know ... now wouldn't you :)

#10
Abed. Hamdan
Said
On: 7/7/2006 12:02:20 AM

Abed. <=== The Best

#11
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/7/2006 12:26:59 AM

Abed? ma kont mnee7... sho sarlak?

#12
lammoush
Said
On: 7/7/2006 1:10:44 AM

quaider, i couldnt agree more...!!

#13
el-temsa7
Said
On: 7/7/2006 8:16:30 PM

dear Qwaider...

i have been following ur blog for quite some time now...i really enjoy reading...i never thought i will give a comment until i read ur blog today..

as an engineer who went through a very hard learning process too. i have to say that the points u underline are really important, and the idea that we agree or disagree doesnot change the importance of ur post.
i will give only a single comment on idea#1: In relationships, there are no rules. You make your own.
المرأه كالطفل, كائن غير قانوني. وهي دائما تنتظر الرجل الذي يحدد لها القوانين

a man proves his manhood by dictating the rules and maintaining the respect for his woman as woman. the woman will feel it and this will be reflected on her selfbelief as a woman, it will be reflected on her feminism..
after living in a western country for some time, i came to realise why many western women like oriental men, after the sexual revolution and the rise of the "women liberation movement" the relationship between men and women here changed to be a competetive one rather than a complementary one, women are behaving like men and men are no longer are real men...it is very complicated.
oriental men are still not completely "deformed" so they tend to be able to restore women to their original status as real women. they make them feel their feminism, unfortunately girls here understand showing some naked skin as the only form of being a woman. for sure feminism is far beyond that..

i think my reply was long...wish u a nice day..

#14
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/7/2006 8:29:40 PM

WOW! That was amazing El-Temsa7! Seriously! I guess there is intelligence in cyberspace after all!

#15
thecaller
Said
On: 7/7/2006 10:12:44 PM

enta feen men zaman ya temsa7??!
really the greatest insight i have read on blogs so far regarding women..
so true..
thank you:)

#16
7ala
Said
On: 7/8/2006 1:15:47 AM

"If you're in a relationship, there is only 1 man and 1 woman on the face of the planet. Everyone else, are genderless humans."

you know something ? This is my sentence :) I have always believed in this w knt daiman a7ky eno lazem elshakhs elly 7atzawajo akon wasleh ma3o lamar7ale eny ad ma ashof nas a7sn w a7la w a3'na w azka adall 7aseh eno hwe elshakhs elly bedy akammel ma3o kl 3omry ...had 6ab3an belzamo qana3a kteer bel6araf el2akher.
I think eno eza ma kan hek e7sas el6arafain laba3ad fa 3alaqethom bekon fiha shi 3'ala6. bs 6aba3an ana knt daiman a7ky eno had elshi lazem ykon bady men abl elzawaj bsssss m3 elwa2t sert a2amen eno had elshi bijy b3d elta3ab elly bnet3abo 3la 3alaqetna men abel ma netzawaj la3'ayet ma nmot! as you said it needs alot of efforts.

"Relationships require, Compromise, sacrifice and trust" and this is our problem these days , every one wants the other one to compromise and he/she believes that he/she is the best and doesnt need to compromise.

Impressive list wallah ya Qwaider!

Eltemsa7 :
"the relationship between men and women here changed to be a competetive one rather than a complementary one, women are behaving like men and men are no longer are real men...it is very complicated." That is very very very right!

#17
Danah
Said
On: 7/8/2006 1:27:39 AM

Hiya :) .. me is back !

I would say .. we all unconsciously allow our previous experiences affect the way we deal with a present relation .. sometimes , when a relation does not work out , we go on analyzing (I mean girls .. not sure if guys go through same process) , asking ourselves why did it go this way ?! And then when we are ready for a new one we sometimes imply the outcome we've learned from a previous one .. Some became more careful and take more time and apply more tests on the other side to start trusting them or involving them in their lives , I believe it might be some kind of a self insurance for not falling into another (not working) relationship .

I liked your ideas or more like suggestions :) , its true .. there is no rules in relationships , one make her/his own and men cannot all be tagged under specific assets nor can women . Romantic love is mostly believed in by women , and romantic books delivers it as the most unearthly feeling that could ever exist , but I personally believe it does not exist , love is a mixture of understanding , accepting respecting learning the other side and learning how to live with them .. its an acquired feeling that comes with more time that allows for both sides to get to know each other and proves them to be the right ones for each others .. but we sometimes as humans cannot help not to fall into some "superficially agreed on rules" sometimes we miss the ones who might later sound to us the perfect ones , simply because they do not look good enough or earn enough .. but again .. may be not ..
Woow .. that was a long comment ..

#18
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/8/2006 1:42:38 AM

7ala and Danah, Lovely comments. You are bot so mature, and this is something that I love about Arab women. At the age of 16 or 18 they would be so mature and would seriously run circles around a 40 year western woman when it comes to life and relationships when they haven't even experienced ONE yet! Maybe I'm biased, I don't mind being biased to my own skin! I'm not ashamed of it

Yes we do drag luggage into new relationships, we make new people suffer the mistakes of the old but does that guarantee anything? nope! We need to focus all our efforts and energies on the relationship at hand. Forget the could have, should have, the one that got away. They all don't matter anymore.