Blog 4 Jordan Day

Visitor of the day


  • You
    from

Brag Stats

  • Comments:25,004
  • Articles:2,000
  • Article Hits:12,459,805
  • Unique Visitors:2,000,438
  • Rss Subscribers:3,052
  • Comment Subscribers:2,530
  • Spammers:136,315
  • Generated :757,671 spams
  • Monitoring:3,942,477 spam IPs
Powered by Qwaider Shield

Recent Comments

Check out the latest pictures on Sweetestmemories

« What's Qwaider reviewing this week?جرح الحبيب ... »

Don't marry the one you love!!!!

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Tuesday, July 04, 2006 9:41:10 AM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (14185) times

    • Currently 4.8/5 Stars.
    • 1
    • 2
    • 3
    • 4
    • 5

    Rated 4.8/5 stars (331 votes cast)

    I was having a heated "discussion" with a friend of mine. And she was adamant that if I want to get married, I shouldn't marry the one I love. I don't know if I was disappointed or what

    twohearts

    I have to admit, this marriage thing is taking way too much brain cells. So I was discussing this with a friend.

     

    She kept on saying that to be happy, I shouldn't really marry the one I love. I should marry the one who loves me.

    I thought that was absolutely obscured.

    She continued saying that if someone loves you, they would do everything to make you happy. Unfortunately if you love them back as much they'll take advantage of you and their love will change!

    That made a little bit more sense to me. But still I was arguing that maybe if both love each other at the same level. She said, that's impossible. You might love someone more or less, but not exactly the same. If you love too much, you're inviting them to take advantage of you.

     I'm still not convinced. She said, take it from me. I'm a girl and this is my plan (for those reasons I'm keeping her identity secret so her fiance doesn't know this). He'll always be running after my love. And always be seeking to please me. I thought ... God I'm so glad I'm not your fiance ;)

    Is that it?

    Other Memories Documented on July 04
    « What's Qwaider reviewing this week?جرح الحبيب ... »

    Memories....

    I have no advice; I think one can never love equally! In my relationship, at times I feel that I love my partner more than he loves me and other times I feel that he loves me more than I love him. Many aspects of our life change the feelings we have for each other but all in all, we are in love with each other all the time, different degrees but there is love. It is a give and take partnership. The total average comes out to a close equality! Do I make sense here? You do not want to be taken advantage of and you do not want to take advantage of your partner. basic simple love is all you need i guess!  
    This friend of yours knows what she's talking about, thats what i feel also, it is better to marry someone who loves you rather than marry someone you love, when you marry someone who loves you, truely loves you, you will be sure that he/she will be devoted to you and will do whatever possible to make you happy, you will be sure that he/she will never make you sad or upset, that he/she will put your happiness before his/hers. This i am sure of.

    I wish that is how its done, but alas, Cupid is one deranged sarcastic and sadistic shit! I know it too well, The one i love doesn't love me and she never will, and even though i never beleived in this "love hurts" movie talk, i experienced it first hand and let me tell you its an awful awful feeling, it seriously breaks the heart.

    I hope that your friend really beleives in what she's saying, As for me, I think i've had enough heart ache, it is time for me to let go completely, once and for good.

    My idea was to either be truly madly deeply in love. But seriously with everyday, I lose my faith in love ... I continue to think it's a wasted emotion.
    I always thought it's a system of control. A leash for men.

    But who knows what's best?
    • #4
    • bassel`
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 11:20:08 AM
    many points to prove...first we spend most of our days thinking of sex, so every judgement  we make tends to be biased.
    love...emmm..i heard it's getting attracted to the differences in the others' soul without knowing why...giving without a reason to give..,and also, making sacrefices, since we are still humans wi selfish feelings somtimes.
    Seems that your going through a painful phase, as a result of which we get to read interesting posts and get to do some soul searching and mind scratching. So thanks for sharing ….

    As for the subject, to marry the one who loves you more is the advise we ladies get from our moms since for ever ….and it’s a totally stupid in my opinion

    The state of marriage is a sacred one, the Qura'an refers to the wife as part of your soul " nafs"
    و من أنفسهم ازواجا
    And in many times you will read in qura'an a profit's prayer for his fathers and sons and himself ….a part of him self is his wife ( I'm too busy to get it to you now but soon if you want promises )

    So you are looking to be with your other half, that is too pure and sacred and important for you to be thinking of who loves the other more and have all those guards up

    I do believe the we need to take an objective look, at the person we are to marry, if he\she agrees with you on the foundations of your  believes and  you have enough in common, and you love her\him ….go ahead and allow your self to enjoy it, don't loose a great thing by thinking who gave more ? who loves the other more ?
    The good thing is that I agree with all of you. The bad thing is that I agree with all of you :)
    It's such a hairy subject and I don't think there's a single right answer IF there is such an answer.

    I guess your mileage will vary based on the type of person you end up with!!Foot in mouth
    • #7
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 12:33:24 PM
    what i believe is you either love the one you love and he loves you back or never do it! anyway, i think you cant ask someone to give you passion and attention just because you love them.. not even showing them that they must do and that they are responsible for you feelings.. that would make them feel guilty and wont do a thing..

    Qwaider; sorry if ive been carried away with the subject but the one im talkin about knows himself.
    Alright, From lady's point of view, they see the guy as a selfish bastard if he didn't return the favor. But If the guy was the one in love it becomes "Why can't you understand that I can't love you"
    We're so biased!
    • #9
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 12:39:39 PM
    since i understand if im in love and the other part isnt, i expect the other part to understand if they are in love and im not. simple as this.
    But it's so different from male and female point of views ... A female gets devastated with rejection. A guy is supposed to take it like a man! (right?
    • #11
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 12:47:46 PM
    nop; a guy have the right to be sad angry annoyed and hurt, but just dont deliver all this to the girl!
    the girl just the same i dont see different..
    But there is alot of differnce Jansait .... If the guy hurts for his loved one, It's an honor. If it's the other way around. It's not looked at in the same good way
    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news…You will never be 100% percent sure about a relationship, simply because perfecting a relationship is a long and hard process.you can though be and should be 100% sure about your feelings.

    What could give you peace of mind is to pray ( slat isti5ara), then you will know for sure that you have ended up, with the best person for you. Faith will give you a peace of mind, that we cannot get to by over thinking and analyzing.
    • #14
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 12:54:17 PM
    thats why if i was rejected i will go away, i dont wish for ppl been rejected to go away but its like u cant force the one to be urz, even if it was just in your mind.. not healthy at all.. if i got rejected i would feel that its about my pride and just forget about it.. i know its not good but what to do? to be hit by a car isnt good as well but it hurts and heals, its a big deal just cuz one wants it to be, if you forgot about it and go on with your life it would be the best healing i think.. ive been there so i know what im talkin about. whatever u would think in a relation happened to me lol so i prob would write a book.. and its ok u can call me Jano if you want :) or whatever you prefer..
    I hardly call that "for sure". As I said, every case is independent. And what might work for you might not work for others.
    Some people can easily enjoy not thinking and analyzing, but some like yours truly can't but think about everything. This is different from being picky since I am not. But I like to rationalize things
    • #16
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 12:57:24 PM
    Tamara i guess its general talkin here :)
    7ader Jano ... what ever you like :)
    On that specific matter. If a guy is rejected, he's encouraged to try again and again because women are expected to be "hard to get" but it's not true the other way around ... so there are double standards here
    Qwaider

    I'm all for thinking things through but at one point you will have to take a deep breath and plunge in : )

    Jansate

    I'm not sure I understand what you mean ...too many dead brain cells : )
    Tamara you should consider drinking less :D
    • #20
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 1:08:42 PM
    well, it sure differs from one to another but i know if i like a guy i will try to get him but since i was rejected even by hint, i would forget about it or delay.. and if a guy likes me and i didnt i would tell him right away, and more than once.. and do you think any girl would be hard-to-get for years?
    i guess its all at heart, maybe later and after marriage i would change my mind and believe that all love is about respect and appreciate, but i know now its a big part of it but not the most important tho it should be there with the feeling that you're happy to be with that person every day and night, sleep and wake up together and other sex-related feelings cuz i believe its a big part of someone's life and emotions. tho ppl are somehow shy or afraid to admit it.
    one little note; nothing of the above is the most important, all together are required and important. and this is the way i think it doesnt have to be right.
    I recall my grandma always telling me: Take a man that loves you more than you do love him. I always laugh and tell her: illi feyo al naseeb. At the end its a marriage we're talking about, not a two companies that might take advantage of one another. Even if one parnter loves the other one more, there will still be the equal respect and appreciation that will equal things.

    p.s:Many marriage posts lately. existential crisis?
    Hmmm I'm getting too sleepy to understand and think of something to say. So I will just agree with you now :) I hope you didn't say something too bad :D. So Jano, and Tamara. You're 3orafa on the blog till I wake up ... mashi? Mish7ad yshagheb ... khodo ismo

    Akhhhh ... listening to Um Kulthouhm ... and feeling intoxicated ... wow!! Seriously Umkulthoum ... at 3 AM, with dim lights and flickering candles ... makes wonders... I thought I won't sleep right tonight as well ...

    عَــظـَــمَـــه على عَــظـَــمَـــه يا ست
    Pressure Ohoud ... pressure ... peer and parental ... and I'm getting there .... so I might as well think about it
    • #24
    • jano
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 1:23:36 PM
    lol dont let bed bugs bug you :p

    Ohoud; when you're in a some situations that we are talkin about you will know.. you will know inha mesh bai3et khodra aw meshwar.. its a whole life.
    You know Qwaider ..I feel like I should take your advice: ) I feel stupid today maybe the budget I'm working on will get the best of me!! ....Good luck

    You know I would be very interested, to read the comments the wife will have, when you get married and she gets to read all this....

    Don't mind me back to the spread sheets :(
    Qwaider how nice is your mood those days ,ur showing love,care and will to love and be loved and good steps to have a bright ,clear future with the luckiest lady ;)
    as for me شهادتي مجروحة
    theres nothing much to say but my beleifs and i beleive that love is like a circle ,you love ,the one who loves you will go after you to show you more love or this is what im living ,when im in love i keep searching and looking for lots of stuffs,ideas and ways to show love and more love ,the other way he tries his best to show me care and love and lots of sharing of our everyday life.. lots of things Qwaider cant be written here but this is the way i think when u love u cant abuse the other feelings ull work to make them louder and brighter ..
    • #27
    • Dima
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 3:04:44 PM
    No of course that's not the case, and you can never generalize in those topics.
    ' He'll always be running after my love. And always be seeking to please me.' What kind of relationship is this???  And what kind of marriage would that be if she's not the one you love...! A marriage that has no strong base... or no base at all! Im not saying that love (only) means marriage, of course there should be understanding, mutual respect... etc! I just mean love is one of the most important aspects that should exist in marriage.
    uhhhmmmmmm i've met people who used to think like ur friend here, i have to say i'm totally against that. if i am getting married 2 a guy whom i should keep myself from loving bcoz that would invite him 2 take advantage of me... loooool why would i get with a guy like that anyway??!! inno be with a sick-less person and save the headache, if there isnt any, just stay by urslef, ur better off then!
    • #29
    • Wael
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 4:21:39 PM
    you should marry some who is richer than you ;)
    • #30
    • salam
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 4:42:22 PM
    marriage and relationships that's all we're getting in Qweider planet nowadays..jawzooooo w ekhlaso minno!
    • #31
    • Roba
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 5:00:29 PM
    I sort of agree with your friend. I think one should place onself before emotions.

    Salam, haha!
    • #32
    • Noor
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/4/2006 5:19:22 PM
    مرحبا يا أخي كيو ، حبيت هالاختصار كيو ، ما شاء الله عليك ، أسمحلي أحيك على هالنشاط ، كل ما ادخل صفحتك أجد مواضيع كثيرة جداً لما ألحق اشوفها ، انا بالكاد أقدر أحدث صفحتي و يحدث لي احيانا قحط و جدب فكريس رغم كثرة الافكار و الاطروحات ، فأعجز و لربما أتكاسل عن صياغتها لتصبح كلام يقرأ . لكن يعجبني فيك هالنشاط الكبير المتجدد يومياً ، تبارك الله و ما شاء الله عليك ، عين الحسود فيها عود ، هو أبداً مش حسد بل تقدير و اعجاب بقدراتك المشتملة على كل شيء ، فحتى الافلام تكتب عنها و أحدثها ، وربما بهذا تساعدني على معرفة الجديد لاني من عشاق الافلام رغم قلة متابعتي لها في الاونة الاخيرة. عموما هي تحية لك على نشاطك الكبير المتميز . واتمنى ان تبقى كما انت شعلة نشاط متجددة و الله يوفقك دائماً و أبداً . شكرا و عذرا على الاطالة ، لكني لم اقدر منع نفسي من قول ما بداخلي.
    الى اللقاء
    :)
    Well,

    OK, some of you will flip over this but this is what I really think love is all about.

    I can't see anyone falling in love prior to marriage; I think it should be called infatuation rather than love. Simply because it's totally built on emotions, heartaches, passion, and silly music LOL.

    I mean of course you have to choose the one that is most compatible to your plans, ideas, tradditions, goals, emotions....
    But the real test of Love comes after marriage.

    Once a couple share the same day to day hectic life problems; this could include changing dippers, getting puked on, holding hands during labor and helping the pushing procedure, joining your spouse in her Doctor visits during pregnancy, going through hardship together, going through family disputes, learning new unmanly habits such as( putting the toilet seat down, throwing the garbage out everyday) some men go as far as PEEING WHILE SITTING DOWN (*SHAKES HEAD*)
    Once both survive all these NORMAL marriage day to day events, then that's LOVE to my own humble understanding, everything else is just HORMONS. LOL

    Peace
    Guys, are you for real???

    Of course love can be mutual. Your friend is obviously bitter. My mother tried to feed this crap to me at a young age, and you know what? It only backfires. My parents have entered an entire new golden age in their relationship once my mother stopped holding herself back and pretending that my father had to love her "more."

    Marrying someone who you don't have strong feelings for is a disservice to yourself and the person you're marrying. Using someone for their love is the height of egotism.

    Only a raging, selfish primadonna would ever be happy in such a lopsided arrangement.

    Relationships ebb and flow. There is no constant, there are no guarantees, and there is no "forever." You have to approach these things as an adult; knowing there are risks involved, and being able to look past your own comfort zone is essential.

    There can be no successful relationship without sacrifice, people.
    Oh, and I'm not married. Just happily living in sin for a number of years now.

    I don't need a piece of paper to legitimize my relationship, and will only get married for legal/cultural reasons.
    INVITATION


    "THE CALLER" would like to invite your Excellency to attend the "A" class blogging party that will take place at the controversial blog "THE CALL"

    Please dress up as comfortable as can be and expect to interact in rather intriguing games…'
    And please feel free to bring any number of guests you'd desire…

    The party will start at 21:00 p.m.cairo time..
    Don't miss the exquisite company and the delicious drinks and the amazing view of the Nile.
    Wow folks ... you overwhelmed me. I went to sleep for a few hours and come back to read your lovely words
    Responses were interesting, ranging from totally disagreeing to totally agreeing. Nice

    You know i there is something that caught my attention and I felt envious of, is Natalia ... She didn't have to go through all this stress [Alas, it's not acceptable in my culture :(, I wouldn't be able to do it]

    Palforce, I've already been living a lone and do my own everything, something which I'm going to miss ... Independence!

    Salam and Roba ... Mashi ya hilween ... have your laughs :D
    Q, if it makes you feel better, getting my family to accept my boyfriend, and my unusual thoughts on marriage (unusual for them, anyway), was an uphill battle. My father was the only one who was good about it. He said, "As long as you two are happy and responsible to one another, I'm happy too." I was only nineteen at the time, but I had been living away for over a year, and that elped. Everyone else was obnoxious for a good while! But it worked out for the best. My family ADORES my Jordanian boyfriend now. It wasn't always this peaceful though.

    On the other hand, his family, who are Jordanian and of a more conservative background, accepted me right away. There was no awkwardness, no arguments, no weird looks, no baiting, no "but she's not from our culture" crap that I had to endure with my supposedly progressive folk back home. Go figure!

    In Jordan, in Ukraine, in the U.S., you meet all sorts of different people. Some will accept you for who you are, and others will give you a hard time, and there's nothing you can do about it but suck it up and do your best.

    Godd luck to you, Q.
    Thanks Natalia. I totally understand where you're coming from. You will find conservatives on every side of the fence, you will also find racists in conservatives cloths . But At the end it's up to the individual to decide what he is. What he likes and what s/he accepts.
    • #40
    • afaf
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 7/5/2006 12:24:16 AM
    well, qwaider, i will have to say this "if u want to go with ur friend's advice, which i wouldnot recommend, then i have one piece to add "Never take someone's love for granted!". as others have mentioned, marriage as well as love is a give and take process...u give and take in return, both partners. there is not secret formula for love/marriage, there is not at all...believe me... i was one person that would fall in love with my hubby every single day all over again and even though, he wouldnot act as much in love as i would...he would try his best to make me as happy as possible...cuz it is a give and take...so look for love, cuz this is what u need to have in ur marriage to be happy too, yeah we do need understanding and other things in marriage...but why not be in love with ur partner...why marrying someone if u know that there is a limit for ur love or her love to u??? no limit for love as i see it...ur friend, no offense, hasnot tried what marriage is all about...so she doesnot know what she talks about...but when she is married happily as i hope, she will change her opinion about it...i bet u she would...
    yeah, long subject, and u asked for it...wish u happiness, dear, no matter what ur decision is...
    asalam 3alaykom,
    you know the movie ..don juan..starring jonny depp??
    it's main song is by brian adams..read the lyrics..and that would be my openion on this post..
    btw..still waiting for you at the party..i really want to read your answers:)
    I can't believe the responses some people are giving to this topic. The fact that this topic is being discussed to begin is astounding. Marry someone who loves you???? How do people come up with these gems. Your friend truly gave us a gem with that one. Sometimes I wonder, do people sit down think and come up with this crap. How does someone in all seriousness contemplate something as ridiculous as this and then attempt to rationalize it.
    Actually, from the responses apparently it's being passed down from mother to daughter.
    Although it might be ridiculous. but ... it's true
    The idea is not to let anyone take advantage of you. Or take you for granted since you love them. Maybe it works for some .. maybe it doesn't. But turns out, it's a fact
    this is wrong,, what the meaning of the marriage if u dont love ur partner!!
    if this true and right, kan wala 7ada 3annas!!
    I hate that word, 3anes! ... It's extremely demeaning
    You too can have your Memories Documented

    Country:

    HTML has been disabled but if you wish to add any hyprlinks or text formating you can use any of the following codes: [B]bold text[/B], [I]italic text[/I], [U]underlined text[/U], [S]strike through text[/S], [URL]http://www.yourlink.com[/URL], [URL=http//www.yourlink.com]your text[/URL]

    Whisper (your comment will not be displayed)

    Please refer to Commenting policy


    Notify me of follow-up comments by email
    « What's Qwaider reviewing this week?جرح الحبيب ... »
    Read by:
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(79)-
  • |
  • KJ-
  • |
  • Secret Window-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guests(90)-
  • |
  • Simply Me-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(7)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(29)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(21)-
  • |
  • Guests(10)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(264)-
  • |
  • Guests(15)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(180)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(57)-
  • |
  • Guests(328)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(8)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(8)-
  • |
  • Guests(143)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(36)-
  • |
  • Guests(11)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(273)-
  • |
  • Guests(366)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(12)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(7)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(28)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(35)-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guests(12)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(174)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(37)-
  • |
  • Guests(21)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(43)-
  • |
  • miss sea lover-
  • |
  • Qabbani-
  • |
  • Guests(16)-
  • |
  • Guests(10)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(20)-
  • |
  • Guests(12)-
  • |
  • Moey-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(11)-
  • |
  • Guests(9)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(7)-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(5)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guests(66)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(22)-
  • |
  • Guests(180)-
  • |
  • Guests(14)-
  • |
  • Guests(14)-
  • |
  • Guests(12)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(46)-
  • |
  • Guests(30)-
  • |
  • Guests(26)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(22)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guests(27)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(124)-
  • |
  • pasha-
  • |
  • Guests(90)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(109)-
  • |
  • Guests(64)-
  • |
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(8)-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(44)-
  • |
  • Guests(6)-
  • |
  • Guests(13)-
  • |
  • Guests(2)-
  • |
  • Guests(34)-
  • |
  • Guests(54)-
  • |
  • Guests(7)-
  • |
  • Faten-
  • |
  • Guests(10239)-
  • |
  • hamede-
  • |
  • Maioush-
  • |
  • nido-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guest-
  • |
  • Guests(3)-
  • |
  • Guests(36)-
  • |
  • Guests(8)-
  • |
  • Guests(22)-
  • |
  • Guests(4)-
  • |
  • Guests(53)-