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Be grateful

By: Qwaider

On:Sunday, July 02, 2006 7:23:07 PM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (11367) times

Currently 4.6/5 Stars.
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Rated 4.6/5 stars (225 votes cast)

In response to Khalidah's article Here. I found it necessary to present an alternate view

Dear Khalidah

Would you allow me to present a counter argument?
I think people staring at you is the ultimate compliment. Sure it makes you feel self conscious and uneasy at times. But it also mean that people find you attractive. Regardless of where and what they're exactly staring.

Lets face it, out of everything around someone, They picked to stare at you. That must mean there is something to look at, or in other words something to Enjoy looking at.

Living in the US for so long gave me this ability to see through some interesting differences in societies specifically when it comes to this point

lowrise

I hang out with so many young people of both genders. The thing that I noticed the most was that the females usually suffered from low self esteem. Why? Because most of the guys will not even look in their direction if they're not showing cleavage or boasting their low-rise genes which shows their pubic bones or coin-slot. Or scanty tops, anything that shows the naval or ultra short skirts. Or the show of their g-strings (Sorry for being too graphic).

The fact is, women in the US struggle really hard to win a few complimentary looks. Going through all possible lengths to make that happen.

It doesn't matter if you shy, covered, religious or not, being note worthy, turning heads is the woman's most ego boosting experience and without it many would suffer from low self esteem and think of themselves as ugly. When they're totally on the opposite side

Someone said, A woman that don't get compliments, gets depressed. I think that is so true. So thank god for our society which ensures that our women always feel attractive, wanted and pretty. EVEN if they're veiled, all covered up

And even though this is a very troubling matter to men that you associate with (They maybe brothers, parents, lovers or just friends) It also gives them a little ego boost that they're with an attractive woman. BUT, in the Arab world, the feeling of disrespect, insult and feeling protective override the slight rush in ego and we immediately frown and turn into peacocks, flick out our talons, ready to slash their eyes off.

So the next time someone stares at you, Look them square in the eyes and say, Thank you.

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« Who do I have in my Qwaider Planet?

Marriage, Personality tug of war »

Memories....

#1
afaf
Said
On: 7/2/2006 7:53:01 PM

u r right, my friend says if ppl stare at his gfriend, then he takes it as a compliment!! but this is in the states, back home i wouldnot say same thing about it...

#2
Khalidah
Said
On: 7/2/2006 7:58:53 PM

Such a lovely post and a valid point of view my dear .. but this is not what I was talking about in my post .. I think one can differentiate between an ogle of evaluation and a stare of compliment .. it is the first that I meant and believe me .. it happens all the time

Maybe if all the stares we get are from men, I can say that you might be right but the fact is that we get these stares from girls and women and it is annoying .. I don't think that all girls are giving me a compliment look or just admiring something .. you know what I mean ..

Having said that .. I really like this post and for those who missed my post (because you did not link to it :( ) .. here is the link again: http://anolita.jeeran.com/mind/archive/2006/7/65817.html

Kidding Qwaider .. Love your logic :)

#3
Khalidah
Said
On: 7/2/2006 7:59:58 PM

Sorry my friend .. just noticed the link ..

forgive me??

#4
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/2/2006 8:06:35 PM

My bad Khalidah (I had the link, but my editor decided to "safely" remove it)
It's updated now. My apologies

#5
Iman
Said
On: 7/2/2006 8:30:17 PM

Qwaider,

I have mixed feelings about what you wrote.

-- Staring is not always considered a compliment ...When someone stares it does mean that 'there is something to look at' but in no way does it always guarantee that there is 'something to Enjoy looking at.' Ever since I started taking the train to work, I catch myself sometimes, staring at people and thinking to myself 'what on earth is she wearing?! I will not even be seen like that if they pay me!' or 'What a body, absoultely gross!' ... yeah, sometimes I feel bad having such thoughts when it comes to others, but that's a different topic all together.

--You say that 'women in the US struggle really hard to win a few complimentary looks. Going through all possible lengths to make that happen.' how do you figure that?

--It doesn't matter if you shy, covered, religious or not, being note worthy, turning heads is the woman's most ego boosting experience and without it many would suffer from low self esteem and think of themselves as ugly. When they're totally on the opposite side

Not true! Honestly, I feel violated when I get stares and a few words here and there as I am crossing the street or walking past a bunch of construction workers who at the sound of anyone with hair approaching can lose a finger!

I must admit though my reaction to stares, 'compliments' is based on who they're coming from... the better looking he is,the less violated I feel ... The beautiful have their way - almost always!

#6
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/2/2006 8:45:33 PM

LOL!! WOW Iman that's one fantastic comment!
First of all, I am not saying this is the only perspective on the subject. It's an alternate to what you and Khalidah agree on. And I totally understand. I'm just proposing another perspective there might be many others

Next, we are inherently discriminatory, if the guy is good looking it's ok, he can stare all he likes. He might even catch you interacting by smiling (invitingly?) back. So it does feel complimentary. While if an old fat hairy bold guy stares, it feel gross and disgusting. But it doesn't matter. The thing is, if people find someone attractive, they will look.

On a number of sentences you said, "How did I figure that out". It's really simple, all I need to do i observe as cloths shrink, women get crazed about their looks and their sex-appeal to "make-them-feel-well" which is just another way of boosting ego (to combat low self esteem)

#7
afaf
Said
On: 7/3/2006 5:50:51 AM

there is a well knwon saying in arabic that says:"the woman would curse a man once if he looks at her but would curse him a million times if he doesnot look...."
old ppl knew it...look how wise they were...
just a thought i thought to share with u guys...

#8
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/3/2006 6:15:20 AM

HEHEHEHEHEE LOL ... You seriously made me laugh Afaf ... that was wonderful :) HAHAHAHAHA!

#9
Iman
Said
On: 7/3/2006 6:33:01 AM

Actually, I did not read khalidah's topic...

yeah, I guess they will look... but sometimes the feeling is beyond disgusting... as a friend of mine puts it, 'the way some of these guys look you up and down makes you wanna go scrub yourself!'

#10
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/3/2006 7:20:03 AM

LOL ... you guys really on a roll tonight ... I'm laughing so hard.
Yeah, some guys are gonna slither and strip you with their xray vision. It must be disgusting no doubt. But a little of this .. a little of that does no harm. especially if the guy is cute ;-)

#11
7ala
Said
On: 7/3/2006 9:23:26 AM

When I feel that the person who is staring is doing that becoz he finds me attractive or he likes what I wear or how I look or what ever , I will not feel bad bel3aks I will take it as a compliment and as every female it will make feel special.
But when people do that w homeh mja3lekeen malame7hom you know that they think there is something wrong about you. these people I dont even look at them or let them feel I see them , I totaly ignore them , 7aram maybe this look makes them feel better about themselves so ya66alla3o labokra :-)

I liked what you said about men in the Arab World when they walk with an attractive woman (sister, wife ....) , yes they dont like anyone to stare at the woman with them and they feel they want to kill that person but I feel this is soo normal bel3aks had elwad3 el6abee3y , ok he is happy that his sister is beautiful and attractive and every body likes her butttt that doesnt mean every one has the right to keep staring , had 6abee3y kteer w eza ma kan elshab hek bekon mo 6abee3y , bs bardo ma yro7 yodrobo :-) kl shi bel3a2el :P

#12
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/3/2006 9:56:06 AM

Ella yodrobo .. oo ykasser ras aboo kaman!!
You know in Islam, if you poke some one's eye if he was peaking at your "women" you are let go! Can you imagine?
I swear, if I catch someone looking at my wife or something ... they'll have to surgically remove my shoe from way up his rectum!

#13
7ala
Said
On: 7/3/2006 10:50:24 AM

becoz Islam ra3a masha3er w fe6ret elshab w elbent.

You know where our problem is? we understimate every thing related to our Arabic community and people, that is just so wrong.
many girls consider what you just said "takhallof" , NO its not.
had shi fi 6ab3 elshab and even if we dont like it that doesnt mean its wrong. elshabab 3ndhom eshia ma be7eboha fi elbanat but mo shar6 y7ebboha coz masha3er elbent w 6abee3etha btekhtelef 3n elshab , w had mo ma3nah eno 7d s7 w 7d 3'l6.
I dont know when we will start to think in the right way and to accept that men and women are different , no one is better than the other but they are different and we should learn to accept each other as we are and to see the specail beauty inside each other, and not to think only on what we have and they dont aw bel3aks!

one day I was wearing (avarhol jinz) and going to univ , i felt my brother didnt want to walk with me , I asked him "fi shi? leh mo 6ale3 m3y" , he said " shklek kteer molfet hek " , i said: " bs ma hwe mo dayye2 bel3aks wase3 kteeer aslan " , he said " but 7elo kteer" ! at that time i felt bad coz he didnt want to walk with me and i said "motakhallef" but m3 elwa2t I took it from another corner , it was his right not to walk with me and I felt i was stupid coz i didnt thank him becoz he saw it beautiful!

#14
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/3/2006 10:59:05 AM

Ahh 7ala ... so beautiful of you to share that with us. Some people would look attractive even in canvas potato bag! I can totally understand where you're brother is coming from. He felt jealous but was wise enough not to get in a fight when you're around because it might reflect negatively on you. I salute him

I've seen the moral system of the west, I lived it. Bottom line? I'm not impressed. I think it might be the one thing we're more advanced at. I find us light years ahead in our social system. Even if it means a lot of burden on people living it

#15
salam
Said
On: 7/3/2006 11:08:52 AM

ya3ni ishi w minno!!!the other day someone from a bus shouted out at me (6age3)while I was crossing the road..can't say I didn't find that funny!

#16
Qwaider
Said
On: 7/3/2006 11:20:51 AM

Funny and enjoyable in a weird way. I'm sure. You feel that ... Yeap, still got it :D. Imagine if you got that when you're 50 years old ... you would say, ana ad immak and subconsciously feel wow! I'm still attractive even to these young misbehaving kids!

We all love a little compliment from time to time even if it was on the subconscious level. It's flattering. Might feel disgusting .. but flattering

#17
lammoush
Said
On: 7/3/2006 9:15:37 PM

looooooooooool interesting point quaider!!
well that my cousine thinks, when his mum tells him stop bothering girls with staring and drooling around he says: im doing my national duties. im making them feel better, they will spit in my face, then turn away and smile!! hahahahhahha