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Sexually frustrated diseases

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:31:30 AM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (12868) times

    • Currently 4.4/5 Stars.
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    Of all ethnicities I come face to face in my daily life. One sticks out as the most frustrated. As you might have guessed, yes it was Arabs. I would like to leave generalizations aside and just stick to the observations I've seen.

    frustration

    Old, young, male, female, religious, non-religious, veiled, non-veiled, married or single as I've seen Arabs are in generally the most frustrated. The weird thing is that Arabs historically and traditionally are usually the ones who boast virtue and abstinence. what puzzles me more is how frustrated and hypocritical people seem to be.

    We all know that in the middle east, women are expected to be virgins when marrying. A trend that has continued to decline as middle eastern countries. Used to be something of a horror tale told about how someone took advantage of some girl and later on refused to stick to his promises and the poor lady was casted away with shame and brought shame to her whole family. She would probably be killed by her family. Another trend that I've seen declining thank god for many reasons.

    First of these reasons is that the punishment of adultery for non-married males or females alike is not death. Yes there is reprimandment but not that severe. And I'm only talking Islamically here and not traditionally. While the girl would lie in a pool of blood the male accomplice would usually move on unscratched.

    Secondly most of these incidents would usually not happen between consenting adults but rather an adult male predator and a juvenile female. Where the female is totally taken advantage of.

    One of the facts to consider that people in their youth rage with excess amounts of hormones. Males and females and would seek avenues to vent these excess chemicals in many ways. One of these might be a full contact sexual intercourse with a lover, a friend, a neighbor etc.

    As humans age, their needs shift from pure passionate to more trimmed and toned psychological. You'll find many middle eastern women craving attention and interest. In a society that views a 23 year old unmarried woman as a pathetic spinster. Which is not only unfair but even worse fuels worse psychological results that if left unchecked would result in disasters.

    On the other hand, Males are left deobligated with little pressure from families and society sometimes till they're in their mid thirties.

    What I've been noticing with the advent of new, better and faster communications mediums that some walls are being torn down and some middle eastern women are being more forward about their understandable needs. In the absence or shortage of suitable suitors and the need for the other gender's courtship, they're going out of their ways to experience avenues that they think might hold the key for their deliverance from the harsh cast they had to endure.

    Often times I would find such women to be kind of forward with their demands while others hide behind facades of self righteousness while still raging with the same set of factors that causes many to be ultra discrete about them. Leading at times to some extreme versions of frustration combined with the inability to read the male person in front of them and would cause them not to be able to clearly decide the other party's intentions. If she comes forward he might be a conservative but if she held back he might lose interest because this is what he's seeking

    The problem in males is even worse. While in their twenties and early thirties the feelings of rejection would probably not even cross their mind. Why would they when there is this huge ocean of available and willing young and fantastic ladies.

    Once men cross a specific threshold in their lives these things start to accumulate in a way that causes them to also feel the frustration of the women. The 18 year olds don't find them attractive anymore and their ability to win a woman's interest diminishes day by day causing them to become desperate. To the point that they might do some really idiotic things to prove to themselves how worthy they still are. This leads their frustration to escalate in a way that might set in motion actions that they themselves might find unethical. which leads them to attempting to lure or manipulate minors.

    The interesting part is that as I've seen being married may or may not curb these tendencies. It does tone it down a bit, but not by much. And we end up with a very dangerous sexually crazed bunch that would do anything and go to any length to get to their needs.

    A while ago there was a special on Dateline NBC called "To catch a predator" where they've staged a sting operation to capture sexual predators. Planting a decoy actress to impose as a 13 or a 14 year old girl/boy. The results were shocking. Hundreds of arrests for men that range in ages, but the majority was over 35. And this is in the west where such men can seek out a local bar, buy a lady couple of drinks and wake up happy

    These frustrations come in so many different shapes and sizes. The most alarming ones are of married men and women who seek extra marital affairs. Usually due to their own failure in their own marriages. Instead of reflecting on the reasons they find a easier refuge outside and en up in the weirdest of situations.

    Don't be surprised to know that this is not limited to people living in the west but everywhere and growing with alarming numbers in the Arab world. I remember hearing an interesting story about the hijacked Kuwait Airways plane Al Jabriyah. The story talks about a man who told his wife that he's going to Saudi Arabia for Umrah, while he was on his way to Bangkok. Imagine her surprise when his name was announced as one of the kidnapped.

    All of this leads me to another point. Online affairs. Where people are meeting friendships arise some are honorable but others may prove to be adulterous. Men and women talking in cyberspace with some intentions. Feeling that anything that happens in cyberspace is virtual, not real they indulge in activities that might later on prove to be devastating. The guy would pretend to be Mr Perfect while she goes in and becomes her wildest fantasy. Coupled with the frustration I talked about earlier and the end result is a highly explosive mix.

    If we're talking about single consenting adults the result might be fine. But once we start finding married people seeking attention they can't find at home. Or a predatory relationship where one party is vastly more privileged due to age or experience.  We start seeing these troubling trends. People cheating on their spouses, young people being taken advantage of and enticed into doing many things to the pleasure of their predators. Which can potentially end up in disasters like kidnap, rape, extortion and even murder.

    I personally think it's time for our societies to let go of the taboos and accept things as they truly are. Human needs that seek to be vented. Possibly even find safe avenues to assist people who are looking to get to what their looking for while leaving innocent young kids alone to give them a chance to grow and develop their own adult life

    This subject is not directed to ANYONE, please don't assume I mean you. I know that due to the sensitivity of the topic I would probably not have anything comment on it on the fear that they would give the impression that they are from one group or another. But I assure you. This doesn't mean you. These are my observations of a phenomenon I'm calling "Sexually frustrated disease"

    I see it everyday. Middle aged men hunting down little girls with flattery and wit. The whole idea is repulsive to me, but that's only me. And this is one form of this weird frustration that converting the online experience to navigating a minefield.

    We all have urges and needs. To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human. I'm not calling for everyone to just wear chastity belts for life. All I'm advising everyone is to practice best judgement when make such decisions. Find someone suitable and leave the kids alone. If you're already married. No matter how hard it is going, trust me, it will be way worse if you indulge in a regretful relations.

    Online is not cyber, and virtual. It would be if you're talking to PC, but you're talking to a living, breathing, thinking human on the other side, using a new medium to communicate doesn't negate their humanity. So spare yourself, and your loved ones alot of heartache ... and don't fall for it

    Other Memories Documented on June 28
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    Memories....

    A very sensitive topic indeed

    The discussion and debate can go on for ages about these issues ... I agree that the situation is becoming more and more unhealthy ... you have people who deny these needs and this translates to depression that reflects in different shapes and attitudes .. other people use these needs as an excuse for their actions and they take liberties in pursuing satisfaction in any mean possible ..

    It is not an easy road that we are walking here .. the new generations should be more aware and induce the needed change, however; what we keep seeing all the time is that people fall in the same traps that traditions have lined up for them ..

    I can add my voice to yours and say that something must change .. but what happens when the change conflicts with both traditions and religion? You turn this side and you are faced with religious rejection .. you turn the other side and you are faced with the traditional rejection .. so where can we turn? create a new side and take it as the new route? What can young people do to overcome this? can they just say no to everything their parents believe in and choose their path in life regardless of all factors???

    This is a very interesting topic and one that needs to be discussed on a very wide scale ... I really thank you for writing about this and bringing it forward ..
    You know Khalidah, You might think I'm crazy, but I find that marrying at a young age might potentially be a solution. For both sides. Now, I'm not saying this is a silver bullet, but I have strong feelings about this.
    If people are happy and fulfilled. Exploring things together, and finding what works for them and what doesn't. By the time they would hit the critical times they would be immune,
    a) because the don't have the excess stress
    b) They're already fulfilled since both are novices therefore there is no advantage for one over the other.
    But this comes at a huge price...
    • #3
    • sarah
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 6/28/2006 11:17:09 AM
    well ,my first visit mets a very critical subject i dont know if im gonna be the right person to discuss it but let me thank you for putting the subject in the spot maybe others will have an idea about whats going outside their spaces
    Interesting Qwaider ,keep the good job
    have a nice time
    asalam 3alaykom,
    I think that you handeled the issue perfectly and on your comment you presented one half of the soloution..
    i think that people should get married whenever they can..
    there's absolotly no need for some one to keep being lostand incomplete for a long time or the consequences will be nasty..
    but the other half regards people who already have spouses and still are nasty..
    if it's not some kind of reflection of corrupted ..away from god..soul,then it's because arabs don't know how to be partners..they slash,slam and disagree and wave red cards all the time instead of sharing with compassion and maintain a healthy friendship..speaking for my self,if i didn't have my husband sitting beside me and sharing the laughs on comments or giving his openion on a post i wouldn't have dared to say what i say on my blog..to me..it is him around or no game!!
    see..you just gave me an idea to post:my hubby!
    thank you:)  
    Ya Ahlan Sarah, please take a look around there are other "less intense" subjects.

    My dear sister TheCaller, Welcome back, I thought you've boycotted me or something
    Yes I agree with you. that's why I left it open ended. for you and others to ponder on it and maybe, if they have the courage, comment
    • #6
    • salam
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 6/28/2006 11:48:21 AM
    I like your last paragraph,you are not talking to a pc but a living human being.I guess it's true a lot of people forget this and could get carried away,things could get out of hand very easily.
    I had two small comments:About spinsters at 23,well it really depends on the society you are living in.In one city as Amman,in a certain family or background 20 could be spinster age,and in another 35 could be a reasonable age to get married.
    Another thing,not to defend women,but I think,and this is no statistc,but most women who have extra-marital affairs do it due to the husband sleeping around,ya3ni most women don't just decide that they they find this certian man too unresistable,but due to their frustration with their husbands respect and loving relationship with his wife.Most men,sadly,don't need a reason to cheat.I happen to know more than one couple where the wife is devoted and loving,pretty and intellectal,while the man is expanding his options on daily basis.
    And,as happy as everyone would be if us arabs regard male sexuality and female sexuality with the same attitude,but this is definitely not the case.We would dlike to think that the frustration is over and that men are ok with their fiances having a past,not necessarily a slutty one but at least having had one comitted relationship),arab men are still not comfortable with the idea.NO MATTER HOW CIVILIZED THEY SEEM TO BE.
    interesting topic,Qweider.
    Salam that was wonderful, thanks.
    For spinster, I seriously don't believe there is an age for it, I said 23 as an exaggeration only to be outbid by you. Come on 23? Wallahi 7aram. That's too young! Barely graduated from University.

    As for who cheats first. That's a whole other topic. I loved the term you used "Expanding his options" hehehe (maybe it's because of all the Nakad) He has at home LOL

    And I totally agree about the duality of standards when it come to male and female. It shouldn't be OK for either. Or if we decide it's OK for one then it's OK for the other. Not get killed if you're a girl and get a "Bravo 3alaik baba" if you're a guy!
    Interesting topic ….I think you have covered the basics. But I have one comment about one of the terms Salam used. "Decide" I don't think people consciously decide to do one thing or the other, at least I can respect a persons DECISION even if I morally or religiously don't agree with them, but it came from being true to one self and honest, people who decide think and analyse and find a solution, it may not be the correct one but their method is more commendable than a person who walks and talks aimlessly.

    I think the biggest problem we have is that we have forgot how to be honest, we have used so many masks that we don't recognize our own face, we have covered up our feelings and inner thoughts that we have lost them.  

    The cyber space gives you a cover ….so you can be with no cover and try to excavate the real you, if you can share your cyber activities with the people in your life I think you are on the right track …if not there is something that's not so healthy.
    • #9
    • kinzi
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 6/28/2006 3:53:34 PM
    Qwaider, I may have said it before, but it is great having your perspective as a man on this.

    I especially think men should marry younger, with girls their age.
    And take a harder look at what the benefits of virginity are - the joy of mutual newness and discovery goes a long way in building a solid marital foundation.
    • #10
    • Roba
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 6/28/2006 4:24:22 PM
    Mhmm, I read your post several times and I'm not sure what you're getting at. I do agree that the Arab world is sexually frustrated, but I don't think that getting married younger is the ideal solution, which I believe would be co-ed education starting at an early age. This way, both genders will learn to accept the other as colleagues rather than an objectified "hehehe, shoofi 3am bed7akli."
    Hey man! this is my family blog, please no porn :'(

    j/k :D
    Yes Tamara, Honesty would definitely help. People need to remember that they not really anonymous. And what their doing they're doing to a real human in addition to the pain and suffering they inflict on their families

    Kinzi, Thanks. Yes sometimes because I'm a man I get to tackle some issues without being called you witch. Marrying young has it's merits, They would be like Adam and Eve and we all know how long their marriage lasted :). But the point is that they're both new and at that age I wouldn't be surprised if they go on trying non-stop for weeks till they get it

    Roba, these are my observations, just to help people think about the matter, and then someone much smarter than me can suggest a good remedy. Yes indeed, Arab men AND women feel deprived and frustrated. When they can be overwhelmingly enjoying married life and building a future together.
    Again Marrying young has a lot of good in it. But has a lot of issues with it. It's A proposed solution among all possible solutions ...

          "We all have urges and needs. To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human"

    That’s well said ! but again .. if we cannot manage the needs and urges .. then what differs us from other creatures on this planet .. I am thinking in another direction .. that one of the causes for this sexual frustration especially on the single males & females – Arabs in particular – is this HUGE OBSCENE exposure of the sexually oriented materials .. i.e. shows, movies, songs, cloths trends .. you just name it .. what I personally think that such things induce and maximize the frustration .. Moreover keeps the minds of so many occupied with it ..

    As for the cheating on spouses and seeking other marital affairs .. I am aware that this has been going on since God created man .. now what I am not sure of is .. is it more obvious now because in the past such affairs were odd, minor and discreet  .. while now people brag about it ?!.. or because in the past there was more religious and traditional conscious  that shielded  them from going for it .. while now such a shield do not exist ?? either way .. it doesn't really matter ..since its is a reality . do people cheat because their already established marital relationship lacks primaries therefore they go  hunt for it either in real life or on Cyber space .. or because they are cheaters ?   just wanted to share my thoughts..  

    Very interesting topic ..
    I agree dana, that sentence you started with can't be taken out of context. We do need to address our impulses and tame them.
    What you describe might explain part of the problem. But what makes it happen to married couples? I guess it's been happening since the dawn of time. Some people are just discontent with their partners.

    The interesting thing is that almost everyone who is used to comment on this blog, are keeping their distance from this topic. Probably fearing that they would be misunderstood and this would distort their image for others.

    But this is a very real problem. I don't think it was as big 20, or 30 years ago, and is growing day by day. To a threshold where it would become common place to cheat.
    • #15
    • 7ala
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 6/29/2006 3:40:38 PM
    "Online is not cyber, and virtual. It would be if you're talking to PC, but you're talking to a living, breathing, thinking human on the other side, using a new medium to communicate doesn't negate their humanity. So spare yourself, and your loved ones alot of heartache ... and don't fall for it"

    Yeh you are deeply right , I can add nothing to this paragraph, its just in its place!

    I started adding my million lines comment on this post but then I felt it would be very very long becoz I have many many things to say on this subject.

    So I will just say its a very good post!
    You too can have your Memories Documented

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