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« Disgusting Arabs!بركتنا »

Perspectives, on Middle Eastern marriage

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Sunday, March 16, 2008 11:18:28 PM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (9178) times

    • Currently 4.6/5 Stars.
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    Rated 4.6/5 stars (131 votes cast)

    One of the most hated rituals in the middle east is the dreaded "Wife seeking". Not only is it nerve wrecking for the potential groom and his family. But it's also considered humiliating for the ladies who find in the ritual demeaning to the woman.

    I have no doubt that that view is true, however, this is not the only way to look at it.

    For unknown reasons, so many people appear to have a personal interest to actually get people married. (As if there is anything to be gained from people, sometimes total strangers, getting married)

    So I stated one view. The demeaning aspect of parading brides in front of future mother in laws or grooms.

    However, there's another aspect; here you have a family, woman and marriage age son, approaching a family in marriage and the two don't even know each other yet. It's not like the woman need to prove her worth, show her love, pitch in or do anything special to get people proposing to her.

    This accounts to an immense amount of respect for the woman. Her self worth is intact. She can, provided that she has an understanding family, pick and choose of serious men, proposing life long commitment without even knowing her. Now how much "worthy" can you feel beyond that?

    There are may perspectives to the same half-full-half-empty cup, but these are the major two.

    The interesting part is that there are a number of rituals that are associated with the practice. For example, the woman is "sized up" to avoid any compatibility issues, the same happens to the groom. The family of the perspective future wife does their home work. Sort of like a background check which can include the family's social and even medical history to ensure their daughter is not going to end up with someone from a family with history of say, violence towards their wives, or hereditary issues.

    All these "checks" serve to narrow the gap between the two. If the lady is really "not his type" or he's "not up to par" the two are spared the embarrassment and the whole thing is off

    It's painful on the two parties, to see their parents interfere in such decisions in their lives. It's exactly the same way a 7 year old feels when his mommy cheers for him in a soccer match. But the 7 year old doesn't know any better, similarly, most men and women don't know what's in store for them.

    Surprisingly, these precisely calculated marriage have such a whopping success rate that no one can argue their value. Despite the lack of romance. You'll often meet ladies who boast that they have "never met or talked to him before they were engaged", yet he insisted and persevered and managed to be the only one she accepted.

    The pain and pressure doesn't stop at the bride and the groom. Their parents suffer on a daily bases from people who appears to be tipping total strangers to the where abouts of hidden treasures.

    Mothers of grooms are bombarded by news of suitable brides here and there. Families of potential brides are also frequently called, or visited by intermediaries, or mothers of grooms who have been pushed to go check them out since they have "nothing to lose"

    It all feels like there are people who have taken the job of getting as many people married as possible. As if it was a race of some sort. Many of them will not take NO for an answer and some will continue even AFTER people have their minds set on someone.

    There are many ways to look at this matter, and there are very negative perspectives of it. There are a good number of positive perspectives. People are going to continue to be divided between the two. I don't think such rituals are going to go anywhere anytime soon as they managed to find their ways to the upper classes of the society, and appear to have held their own against the changing times.

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    « Disgusting Arabs!بركتنا »

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    • #1
    • KJ
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 3/17/2008 6:55:06 AM
    My theory about arranged marriages is that each to their own. If party A is not into arranged marriages and thinks it is demeaning, etc, then by all means don't get married in such an arranged marriage. If party B thinks it's fine, and not for losers, then by all means do what you feel is right.

    There isn't a "right" way to get married! People do whatever suits them - it doesn't by all means make them more modern or better than the other party. Both have +ve and -ves but if everyone would stick to one form, imagine how boring and predictable the world will be
    "arranged marriages"
    Make no mistake. What Arabs normally have is not really arranged marriage. (Which is what Indians have)
    The Bride and groom has a lot of say in the Arabic traditional marriage. And there are no priest or stars to consult, there are also no casts. So Traditional Arabic marriages are not really arranged.
    Additionally, there is an "engagement" period where the couple are allowed to know each other. Therefore the notion of -purley- arranged is really inaccurate. Even if wikipdia says otherwise! These are religious and traditional ceremonies but not really arranged

    And you're right, people need to seek out similar counterparts. If people believe in traditional marriage then both need to believe in it. If both don't believe in it then that's good. But mixing between the two is a recipe for disaster because one will find it insulting and the other finds it proper and even respectful
    I would never marry anyone in any other way but the traditional way. He needs to come to our house WITH HIS FAMILY, and make the formal request first!
    He needs to come and beg for my hand in Marriage BEFORE I consider him! I'm not running after any lover boy who's going to sweet talk me then who may or may not decide he wants to commit one day or not. That's how I value myself. This is how I define my worth. If I didn't like the guy/his family/ or just because. I'll just ignore the whole thing it's my right and no one is taking away my freedom of choice.

    So Q, when are you coming to visit my folks? :D
    • #5
    • yfa
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 3/17/2008 5:04:25 PM
    Man, Fire-Faten....BEG?  Wow.  I am sure you'll find many to do that and it's good to feel that you deserve the best....don't we all!  But how about someone respectful and with a potential future coming and plainly asking....you wouldn't give them the time?

    I say along with KJ, to each his/her own.

    Q, how about mom's who try to push their daughters on to men they find suitable?  The mom contacts the man's mom and invites her over for coffee and hints for the son to also come.  
    Firefan, I'm not sure ... Kinda busy these days :) But say Hi to Ammo :)

    YFA
    Even better, the mother of the girl is actually helping her daughter avoid an awkward situation and having to deal with self worth issues. I like that idea :)
    Nice post really Qwaider !!!
    ba7esso hada el mawdooo3 kteer montasher !!! hehe...
    w bt7esso 2ale2 el ahel !!!!lol....
    ya seedy el donia naseeb w ely allah katbo hwa ely bdo yseeer :)
    • #8
    • Reem
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 3/17/2008 11:18:46 PM
    kol had 3ashan ma bidak titjawaz?? balash!!! :P

    ba3deen leesh mday2 ino some people like to get "people" married?? ya ba7't meen wafa2 raseem bil 7alal!!
    and then remember, whatever you call the traditional marriage we have here, arranged marriage or whatsoever, that's how I got to know Sari! And life couldn't be better beleive me! by the way, i used to be against that "traditional marriage", life proved me very wrong :)
    Razan
    Welcome back it's been so long since I last heard from you
    I'm glad you liked this one
    It's true, it makes parents worry! For some reason

    REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM
    Welcome back ... I've missed you bucket loads. How are you and Sari doing? I hope all is great over there :)

    I'm not against it really. I'm trying to show both sides of the argument. Allah ysam7ek .. do you think I would just bash something just for the sake of it?
    I'm so glad to hear from you again. This is fantastic!
    • #10
    • Um Omar
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 3/18/2008 8:47:39 AM
    But isn't it taking the whole scenario too far when the seeking women of the groom's families will hail your car at a stop-light and have you roll down the window to see if that girl in your car is engaged or not?  I mean, talk about forward!  It really makes me suspicious too when I am driving a car with American plates!!!!  Back off ladies!
    Yes, that's taking it too far indeed. But luckily I guess it doesn't happen that severely all too often
    You too can have your Memories Documented

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