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« Why aggregators are better than your readerThree words with, HM Queen Rania »

Spectator parenting

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Sunday, February 24, 2008 2:22:00 PM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (3943) times

    • Currently 4.6/5 Stars.
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    Rated 4.6/5 stars (39 votes cast)

    I read a very interesting article by Rania Kudsi, a new blogger questioning some are automatically believing that fathers should never take any part in raising their kids. How these parents barely care for their young or help around the house. It brought back to me wonderful memories of how my own parents used to cooperate to make this life work. How they helped each other, and almost fifty years later. They're still helping each other.

    I belong to the expatriated working class. Both parents used to work to provide their kids with everything they need from birth till they're done with at least their first university degree. Looking back at their achievements, I can't help but stand in awe to the amount of effort they have invested in the future of their children

    My mother used to work, which means. She didn't have much time during the day to have coffee with the neighbors and finely detail and polish pieces of useless crystal most of our neighbors had on display in their Salons. After work, her time was split between preparing classes, marking papers, updating her teacher's notes, taking care of the house, taking care of us and yes, pursuing her higher education. Which she eventually earned, two masters degrees in education, and social studies.

    All of this couldn't have been possible if it wasn't for the great tyrant of the house. My father had the temper of Genghis khan. We used to call him, Hulagu (after the ruthless Monghol Khan who destroyed Baghdad).

    Don't let the previous paragraph mislead you. My father used to be the one waking us up in the morning. Prepare our breakfast, and associated sandwich. Makes sure that we're ready to go to school and that everything we need is with us.

    He would get home before my mother has arrived, and would prepare lunch for us. By the time my mother is home lunch would be ready and served for everyone.

    I remember him spending nights helping us with our school work. I don't remember that there was a single book that wasn't laminated by my father in the whole house. I also don't recall a single scholastic event where my father wasn't in the first raw. I remember the countless cups of tea that he used to bring all of us when we would be studying. How he would take time off to take us to the doctor.

    He was very involved with what his kids did. Not just spectating

    My -working- mother couldn't have done all of this without an involved and very helpful partner. He always held himself to a higher degree of discipline, and although we used to all fear my father when he would get mad at us or shout. We all grew to be appreciative of the man who played  a genuine role in shaping our very existence.

    My father was always a progressive person, liberal, passionate and made sure all of these futuristic traits were instilled in all of us. He wouldn't allow the greatest years of his children's life pass him by. He encouraged every single one of us to achieve what ever we could achieve. Never forcing us to follow his wishes. He never forced my sisters to get veiled for example. Or even my mother. He enjoyed being the father, who is involved, loved and helped every single one of us achieve their goals, including my mother.

    There are many parents these days that barely know their children's age. Or their favorite video game, or their preferred cartoon. These parents are missing out on so much and if anything they are forcing their wives to shoulder a lot more borden than they should, forcing the wives to detest the conditions and in many cases rebelling completely shattering the base of the family that once was so sacred.

    Here's to all great, non-spectating parents... We owe you! My dream is to one day, be just like you. A true parent, loving, involved and passionate.

    My father still helps my mother around the house, he is the person in charge of making the tea for all his children and grand children. He's still the same person, he just added to his audience a bunch of grand children that he, wakes up in the morning, makes sure they had their breakfast, sends them off to school, and takes them to doctors.

    Other Memories Documented on February 24
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    Memories....

    I also come from a family with a working mom and a helpful dad around the house, can't think of a better way for things to be done.
    • #2
    • kinzi
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 2/24/2008 8:16:53 PM
    This is a great post and tribute, Qwaider.
    Thanks for sharing this story with us,Qwaider.

    It is ,so far,my favorite blog that I have,ever,read on the Internet.

    And to think it is a Muslim that has written "it",not a Christian.

    Isn't that something?
    • #4
    • mona
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 2/24/2008 10:49:39 PM
    Excellent post! Very moving but with a positive message included.
    On spectator parenting: we once visited a couple & my husband was chatting to the man when his little son came into the room. "mashaAllah! what a cute boy? how old is he?' my husband asked. "Erm, i'm not sure.(to his wife) How old is hamza?"
    You know Qwaider, of all the crap you have written so far, this is probably the best post. It was actually moving. Ha, mab3oos has emotions? well, I am actually a little jealous. My story, if I were to tell it, will end by the word "Tyrant" up there.
    • #6
    • Maha from Play 99.6
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 2/25/2008 12:13:41 PM
    i love this... seriously thats so sad about spectator parents.. i have a great relationship with my father, and let me tell you as a girl, to have an involved father in your life gorwing up, it will really help you with your relationship with toher men in your life.. you won't need to go looking for that approval from others. of course i've seen spectator moms and thats just as bad too :S
    Wonders
    You're one of the lucky ones. Good for you. I hope everyone enjoys the same.

    Kinzi
    Thanks :)

    Cthetheir Momrystabelle
    You're welcome. I don't want to go over a Muslim vs Christian debate here. We're all human and we have the same feelings and value the same things.

    Mona
    That is really sad to hear. If people are not going to take care of their own kids. Why bother? Why torment them in this life?!
    It beats me

    Garfan
    Thanks. But man, you're getting too soft these days. Don't forget, you have a destiny to fulfill! :)

    Maha
    I'm glad that you enjoyed this. It's also wonderful that you shared your experience and how this empowered you
    WOW!! amazing post Qwaider, Allah y5aleelak yahom ya rab :)
    being a child in a family when both parents working is definitely totally different than having you mom at home, and i must say i experienced both, my mom stopped working when we moved to Jordan, my dad was so involved and used to help her all the time, or else I'm sure that there were no way for her to do it.
    working parents have to understand that they both have to be involved raising the kids, and i believe that the dad's part as important as the mom if not even more!!
    Great post 3an jd :)
    • #9
    • KJ
    • Windows Firefox Browser
    • Said
    • On: 2/26/2008 11:02:51 AM
    Man, we have more in common than I previously thought!

    My mom too was a teacher and she spent her time doing exactly what your mom did. The only extra stuff she did was that she took over the role of what your dad did as well - she had to teach us (until I became intelligent enough to self-teach, which was grade 3). She had to cook, polish everything, etc. Allah eykhallelna ahelna.

    I am truly in awe and I hope I can pull off all these things for the sake of my kids.
    You too can have your Memories Documented

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