Previewing: Untraceable (2008)

Alright, I officially hate the fact that I am a computer dude. Especially when it comes to watching movies that talk about Internet hackers and websites and the whole shabanga.

I met this sweet chick before the movie, and chatted about our next preview (Rambo, scheduled for tomorrow, expect an exclusive sneak review on it), she was moderately knowledgeable about PC's you know she's 20 years old of this day and age, and pretty well connected. She was happy with the movie ... I wasn't!

 

4.0/10 On Qwaider (and crazy Internet geek scale)

7.5/10 on the regular viewer scale. Opens everywhere Friday Jan 25th

(As always, these previews will never contain any spoilers so rest assured of that)

This movie has been dubbed "The silence of the lambs" of online movies. It's obviously sponsored by Microsoft Windows Vista and GM's Onstar car system. Coolest thing is that they both broke down when people needed them the most. Oops, no spoilers!

Getting through the line was not as bad as always, luckily I was in a group chat with bloggers on MSN, man, mobile MSN rocks the house, not twitter or all other stupid clones. REAL TIME chatting on my phone. It was fantastic! Me and 3 buddies will definitely do this way more. But security was tight. They asked to take the phones where I pulled the "phone in the jacket" while the jacket is on my arm, and the metal detector wand is on me! But I won't be boot legging any footage! I would never do that!

This movie is a techno attempt to create SAW for geeks. Where the FBI is unable to trace a website that displays people as they are brutally murdered right in front of them. The author somehow drew a connection between people's weird online habits and people who want to blow up themselves, kill others and have it all taped for viewers pleasure!

Excuse me, but last time I checked my brains, it was still sick of watching people's heads get chopped off! And let me tell you something, I have a strong stomach. But enough of that already. Most non-mental people hate to see this crap! So don't go preaching me on how humanity has degraded. Watching porn is NOT like watching people die. Porn -I believe- is a form of art, killing people is not! (not that I watch porn or have a stack of playboy magazines next to my bed or anything, but I'm just saying..)

Anyway, the plot is very predictable to thriller movie goers but it is still enjoyable. With a good amount of gore associated with it. This is one move you really shouldn't take your date to (neither should you take her to Juno if you're considering an after party).

The plot is entertaining and fast paced, the casting is "adequate" but the minute you see them you know, oh that's the chick, that's the cute cop she's going to like, that's the smartass who's going to die. And what's up with showing the killer's face so early in the movie? Doh!

Crap-lets:

This is a segment that I am going to call Craplets, where absolutely complete crap has been put on the film and displayed....

1) There is NO server in the whole wide world capable of 30 MILLION simultaneous connections. Let alone video connections. Every single connection needs say 56kb/s x 30,000,000 and therefore you need: 1.7 terabit/second Just to compare, the fastest internet2 speed record is: 6.6Gb/s. 1Tera=1000 Giga!

2) There is no way in the universe to click a button and shutdown a server. Not even at the FBI. You can click the Off-Switch but that's not like you can do it through software. (well you can switch off the network port on the switch but that means you can administer the switch... ) in other words, CRAPLET!

3) There is no such a thing as untraceable IP. It might be hard for clients but SERVERS? Not possible. You need a source IP, and a destination IP and even with anonymous proxies, you can't do that FOR A SERVER! Because the CLIENTS need to resolve it to an IP

4) If you can't get to the DNS, get to the registrar! Doh! The IP can be referred through the registrar! Done .. site GONE! Unless people have a cache of the IP, but the IP (as the agent said has a very short TTL therefore IT WILL go poof)

5) If you're an FBI agent, and you're on the run, and you suspect someone is in your car, and you have a gun in your hand. Glancing over the back of your seat is not enough.

6) Disabling the car computer doesn't disable door locks. because they are a MECHANICAL system.

Morale of the story:

Don't date online

Don't go to weird sites (I agree)

Don't download crap off the internet even if you did win 10 billion dollars from Russian-brides-by-mail ESPECIALLY if you're an FBI CYBER CRIME division!

Learn to blink using Morse code