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Why I can't respect your husband...

By: Qwaider

On:Wednesday, January 09, 2008 3:54:48 AM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (5092) times

Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
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Rated 4.5/5 stars (166 votes cast)

I got a number of interesting comments from one of my readers. Crystal, who has a lot of respect to her EX-Husband. Yes you heard it right, he EX-Husband, yet the respect and loyalty is still there. It was amazing to me, to see someone respecting their ex-husband.

I have said before that bloggerettes make the best wives, now, I'm not so sure

I also read blog posts from Kinzi, Summer and others, praising their husbands and forcing me, and just about every person who reads their blogs to love and respect their husbands. Quite frankly, I have so much respect for all of them. (And before anyone thinks they're excluded, I apologize for not stating every husband that I don't know but tremendeously respect because of the way his wife glorifies him to us)

But ...

There are many blogs of wives that don't project such respect, love or admiration, I will give one example and I hope no one gets upset of it. Although, I'm willing to bet my hard earned cash the someone will.

Disappointed wife, is one of those. I can't feel respect for her abusive husband (sorry disappointed wife for placing you in the circle of light), but she's not alone in that circle.

What many people fail to realize is that once a couple gets married, they merge into a third person. That is not purely her, not purely him. But a person who is a mix of the two, with features from the two, and will be judged just like that. As a single unit.

In my humble opinion when a wife bashes her husband publicly, online or offline she actually bashes the other side of the coin that she makes. She is reducing her own self. She's belittling her own image. A man without his shine is not that interesting. That shine is what the wife does. It's what the wife makes. It's her own doing. He is her own creation.

This isn't only about women, men also have a responsibility to properly present their wives. Although, most married blogger men don't even mention their wives for some reason. But again, socially, the man who's continuously polishing his wife, instills respect, admiration and envy in the eyes and minds of the listeners.

These traits might not even be true on the ground. The external image is like the official statement of the white house. It might be full of lies but presents what their foreign policy is like. What goes in the white house however is a completely other story.

If there is anything I can advise any wife who blogs that would be, maintain your self image, respect your husband, and we all shall be forced to respect the two of you too.

We don't know the internals of your home, but everyone will formulate an idea based on what you will write. Husbands, sons, daughters, siblings, parents, in-laws, grandparents.. whatever you tell us, is what we will believe, however you choose to respect them, we will follow.

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Memories....

#1
Marvin the Martian
Said
On: 1/9/2008 4:52:47 AM

HA! I agree, people who bash their spouses in their blogs (a.) reflect badly on their own judgment and the choice that they made, and (b.) air their dirty laundry to the world, which by and large is not interested. I talk in passing about my darling wife, but only in passing, because she does not like it. But it would not occur to me to complain about her on the public stage, because it would be rude to her and belittling of me. When I talk about her, I say nice things, because there are lots of nice things about her to say. If I ever have a complaint, I will keep it to myself.

#2
Angry Husband
Said
On: 1/9/2008 4:55:03 AM

Some women deserve to be F'in bashed all the way to hell and back!
Damn women!

#3
Anisa
Said
On: 1/9/2008 7:49:16 AM

But they key point here is that Dissapointed Wife is writing her thoughts very annonymously. It doesn't really matter what her reasons are for writing about her problems with her husband -- soon to be ex-hsuband --, but she at least has taken care to not identify herself or himself.

If she is bitching about her husband publically, but annoymously, is this morally wrong?

I checked out her blog and I find it difficult to understand her. Reading about someone's constant complaining is as if someone is sucking the positive energy out of me -- I get emotionally drained. There is also no personal benefit for me from reading her blog, so really I just don't care.

Otherwise, I agree with you, the one who shares trivial complaints or backbites about his/her wife/husband with others usually ends up making themselves look bad. Its very disrespectful behaviour to themselves and to their spouse.

#4
kinzi
Said
On: 1/9/2008 11:29:36 AM

Thanks, Qwaider! All this time, I thought you thought I was pretending that my husband was the greatest show on earth.

I like that bit about a wife making her husband shine.

Still praying for Angry husband and Disappointed wife. I can't read their blogs.

#5
Deemco
Said
On: 1/9/2008 2:09:28 PM

Nicely said Q, I agree. The way you talk about your spouse creates an image in the minds of readers and you're the one who's painting it. That's why you should choose your words wisely. If you're always complaining and shedding light on that person's bad side of course people will think badly of him. Everyone has good AND bad qualities, noone's perfect.
As for disappointed wife, she blogs to vent, it's probably her only breathing space. Her intention isn't to affect her husband or his reputation in any way, it's simply to get things off her chest.

#6
thecaller
Said
On: 1/9/2008 3:21:08 PM

I feel happy for happy men and women who appreciate their spouses...i feel love towards the family and the couple as it's a blessing and beauty that deserves the word..allaaaaaaaah just like when u see a beautiful sunset or a sweet kid.
Yet, couples who are not that fortunate and have lousy partners whether it's a wife or a husband and they talk about it...are they BAD??
a wife of a jerk is BAD??? not the jerk??
a husband of a nag is BAD?? not the nag??
And both are bad for letting it out??? for using their right to express freedom of speech about something personal ????

If all the world is just flowers and gardens with zero areas of dumpsters...where will our shit go????????
This ain't logic nor natural.
May allah bless the happy more and more...and may allah ,ake miserable people happy .
Happy people aren't angles and sad people aren't demons and I demand to know why crystal's super husband ( by all due respect..sincerely) is an EX???

#7
Qwaider
Said
On: 1/9/2008 6:38:18 PM

Marvin
well done, I guess we're in complete agreement here

Angry,
you of all people did more of this than anyone else. But not all women are like your ex. Sorry buddy.

Anisa
True Anisa, and the situation of Disappointed wife is really not the issue. It's how we feel -as readers- about him. Do you like him? Do you feel the least amount of sympathy towards him?

Kinzi
Even if you are pretending. You are painting his great image that forces me and everyone else to respect him.

Deemco
Thanks dear. That's exactly the point
I hope DW will have better times ahead

TheCaller
Good questions. But allow me to say here that it's really not about the individual image of someone. It's about the collective image of a couple and the way the readers feel about the "other" half

#8
Crystal
Said
On: 1/9/2008 7:30:23 PM

TheCaller:I blame myself for the divorce, mostly,I was very selfish and self-centered as a young wife,even in my 30's and 40's,or up until I became a Christian and a believer.

At 47,I was changed in a moment,and I keep on changing for the better,it's getting so that I don't even recognize myself,I like this crazy new me.

#9
Rasha "The caller "
Said
On: 1/9/2008 10:10:56 PM

Thanks Q but, by all means why would a writer worry about what people will think of someone who's making her/his life hell??
If it's wrong to rant on blogs i think we should all just shut it down cause this is the only place where truths must reveal so it can be a healing experience for the writer and a learning one for the reader.

Crystal, thanks for ur response...although ur answer sounded like something i used to say when i was in the same position once but after time and healing plus some theraputic self awareness and self respect things looked different.
I wish u all the best and greater future.

#10
Maioush
Said
On: 1/9/2008 11:08:07 PM

MA3AK 7A2!! if she says stuff like that to me and he is suppose to be the man she respects the most in this planet, what do you expect me to do???
and fine, if thee guy make a mistake, don't go and tell everybody around you how bad he is, and describe as the evil himself!! you (the wife) will forgive him easily, you'll let go, but people won't!!!
they will simply say: "eza marto ma bte7termo e7na el mafrood ne7termo??"
god you reminded me of someone i know!!

#11
Anisa
Said
On: 1/9/2008 11:13:34 PM

Some people complain about their husbands, relatives, friends to strangers and then it gets published in the local newspaper. It's called the advice column, where people dissuss, annonymously, issues regarding themselves and others in the quest of getting some feedback or advice.

So if Dissapointed Wife posts some relationship problems on his or her blog, but does so annonymously, I am not sure what is wrong with that...who is getting hurt by her comments?

If I was a reader of her blog, which I happen to disdain intensely, I am not inclined to feel sorry for a faceless, nameless husband. Nor would I feel sorry for him if Dissapointed Wife were to write to the local advice columnist and present a problem that sheds her husband in an unfavourable light. Nor would I feel sorry for him if Dissapointed Wife were to submit a question to a Sheikh dealing with a concern with her husband. The point is, it is all anonymous.

I recognize that she is only providing one side of the story. She is probably just venting. I hope she is not putting him down or critizing him in front of her children or other relatives -- because that would be so much more worse than what she is doing on her blog. I hardly think that complaining annonymously on a blog is worse that venting privately in front of family only.