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You're not even a man!

By: Qwaider

On:Monday, December 03, 2007 8:28:55 AM
In:Thoughts
Viewed: (4337) times

Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
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Rated 4.5/5 stars (144 votes cast) Thanks for your vote!

Before I start, I would like to apologize for my non-Arab friends, this idea is not my own.

As I was talking to a friend of mine, who indicated to me that -to her- men have to be Arab. Otherwise, she feels nothing. She feels no shyness or any feminine feelings towards any guy unless he's Arab.

I wasn't really shocked of this since many families raise their daughters in a way that makes it clear that a non-Arab is out of the question! Period!

In Jordan, we go one step further, if they're not Jordanian or a west bank Palestinian. Then don't dream of it. (God forbid she loved an Egyptian, Syrian, Iraqi, someone from Gaza or any other nationality) That is a definite NO-NO

The farther you go from home the worse their rejection. In some cases rejection is coupled with contempt to the person and his whole nationality that's of course IF religion permits. And if it didn't, well lets just say she might end up as a statistic in the national [dis]honor crimes.

Males on the other hand, don't have the same amount of rejection. A foreign bride is not favored but acceptable in most cases. She is still considered a woman though. In many locations he would be coveted for improving his gene pool. Or simply for myths like blonds are better in bed. The down side for this sort-of acceptance is that many people around think foreign brides are morally loose therefore they are fair game for the whole family, friends, neighbours or any teenager in need.

But the way the society and family have instilled the asexuality of foreign males is astounding to say the least. It's like erasing a universal fact! It's one thing to explain to a daughter that it's difficult, hard, requires a long laundry list of prerequisites, and a complete other thing to wipe the existence of males outside of their own culture, language, religion and local.

I looked at my friend and said, My cousin is married to a Pakistani, my other cousin is married to an Egyptian, one more is married to a Turkish guy and my best friend is married to an American.

She didn't reply!

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« ثلج... و نار

Another garbage victim! »

Memories....

#1
Dave
Said
On: 12/3/2007 9:55:31 AM

I'm confident I could change her mind. :D

#2
Qwaider
Said
On: 12/3/2007 9:59:55 AM

Dave, you still have a link to your old blog, would you like me to change all of them to your new blog?

#3
Dave
Said
On: 12/3/2007 10:03:25 AM

Ah, that'd be great. Thanks.

#4
kinzi
Said
On: 12/3/2007 10:07:33 AM

Yea, my husband, heh-heh, there is no asexuality about him!

I do know what you mean, tho, these attitudes. Thanks for setting her straight.

#5
sam
Said
On: 12/3/2007 10:10:59 AM

my dad always said that he will only let us marry a palestinian muslim...a palestinian muslim from lebanon only...gosh my dad was racist....it was very clear to us from early on that my parents will not agree to marriage to a none arab or a non muslim...so we really never allowed ourselved to be romanticly involved with a none arab...but my mom was very upset about my iraqi bf...he turned out to be a jerk..so in this case mamas know best...and once i fell in love with a palestinian christian...*sigh* ...but because i knew it was impossible for my parents to agree, and of course im sure his parents felt the same way, we just stayed friends and he does not know how much i loved him ...but yeh i never really looked at a none arab guy and thought of then romantically...but not to the extend of your friend...i still see them men..and my have a crush on a good looking guy,but would never allow it to go beyond that.....

#6
Qwaider
Said
On: 12/3/2007 10:22:01 AM

Dave, all the links have been fixed. Now all link to your new blog

#7
Tamara
Said
On: 12/3/2007 10:45:14 AM

I guess this is more of an issue of Arabs living in the west, more so than for women living in their home countries. but that its that strong not to even get a crush on a good looking American is a bit strange.

#8
Mariam Ayyash
Said
On: 12/3/2007 11:14:09 AM

to me, men have to be George Clooney, otherwise i feel nothing, no shyness, no feminine feelings wal3iyathu bellah :) eshoo be3arrefni!!

listen agool, i have a bar i keep aligned to, and this i have learned from a friend, if you think of yourself as someone who can effect others, and leave great influence on them, then be friends to whomever you wish, and love and marry... but if you dont think of urself as someone like that, dont (not 3ala tool but dont get mixed up), i personally have no effect on others, i cant change their mind about anything or have influence on them, thats why i keep my distance with non arabs non moslems, ya3ni i know i cant change his religion to islam, balla why should i get any closer? so i try my best to avoid clashes in the first place, w neyyalo elli beddo yakhothnee :)

#9
Mariam Ayyash
Said
On: 12/3/2007 11:14:57 AM

shoo wien el update-awal-be-awal box? willa it doesnt work on Firefox? yaaaaaaaaay

#10
chikapappi
Said
On: 12/3/2007 12:02:59 PM

!! Did she reply yet! did you show her the post? peoples' replies.. you know, we know many people who are married to Muslim forgeiners & they are happy!!

#11
Maher
Said
On: 12/3/2007 11:42:13 PM

so true man! people here raise raise their daughters in a way that makes it clear that a non-Arab is a dream indeed!!

but for me i would love to have a foreign bride..

#12
Hani Obaid
Said
On: 12/4/2007 1:16:11 AM

My parents practically imposed martial law when my sis wanted to marry an Italian. I think she would have turned out happier !

On the other hand if it happened, my parent's would have practically lost a daughter, not just because she married a foriegner, and someone of another religion, but because she would be abroad for the rest of her life. So, although I disagree, I see where they're coming from.

As Mariam pointed out, Your preview script is browser biased :D

#13
أنونيموس
Said
On: 12/4/2007 2:35:27 AM

Well you talk about asexuality of foreign males but on the other side of the coin, there's the nonexistance of foreign females! Yes, sometimes they're just frowned upon, but alot of times they're just "ignored" and the family thinks that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and our son will come back and really get married to an Arabic woman.
Personally I think marrying someone who shares a background very similar to your own is actually a good thing, but I also think it should be your decision to make, not that of your parents or society!

#14
Qwaider
Said
On: 12/4/2007 2:44:05 AM

I'll see what I can do about the preview thingie

Now, the thing is that, what if she married a local who won the lottery and decided to just drop everything and go live in the Bahamas?!

#15
Qwaider
Said
On: 12/4/2007 3:47:12 AM

انونيموس
Yes that is true. Many just "forget" about the foreign daughter in law. As if she doesn't exist and their son will eventually come back home and get REALLY married! It makes me sick at times to hear of that
But I also share your position. I believe if I am to be married, it would be to someone who shares things with me. Not a completely different culture. It COULD work for some people, but sadly not for me.

#16
Princess N
Said
On: 12/4/2007 10:05:06 AM

For a while I used to think like your friend.. I mean since we live in a country that combines Jordanians, Palestinians, and Syrians, automatically these were the only nationalities that I could consider.

Until a friend of mine who lives in Jordan introduced me to her fiancé who is American.. and my major shock was when her sister introduced me to her fiancé and he was South African.. both their fiances converted to Islam and they all have been happily married..

Both sisters were married to Arabs but it did not work out for them so they tried something new...

#17
Friend
Said
On: 12/4/2007 10:15:48 AM

WELL, WELL, WELL… what do we have here!
Haik ya Samer? Tayeb, let me say it then,
YES, if the guy is not Arab, I feel NOTHING, I don’t even feel that he is a man to start with, now that doesn’t make any less of a man, but to me that’s the way it is, I can’t imagine myself ending up with a non-Arab guy, sorry bit the dust on any Arab guy’s shoe is worth to me more than all the other ones, I don’t feel them, and I don’t feel feminine around them .. SHOOT ME!!
You wanna get mad at me, fine, bs ana 7orrah, I believe what I believe, I know you’ll say some Arab guys can be really jerks, but I’d rather end up with an Arab jerk than ending up with George Clooney himself.

#18
psg
Said
On: 12/4/2007 7:30:55 PM

just another type of stereotyping..

#19
Maioush
Said
On: 12/4/2007 11:09:20 PM

LOl! why are guys making such a big deal :) if that's what she believes, then that's what she believes, Arab guys should be proud that girls think like that about them :)

#20
Marvin
Said
On: 12/5/2007 4:00:00 AM

I think that's amusing. I knew a Jordanian woman in Toronto. She was tall, beautiful, very Westernized, but Muslim. She had been conditioned to look for an Arab man. She complained to me frequently at how disappointing her dates were with such men, and yet she continued to only date Arab men. She felt it was her only choice.

I had to laugh. Quietly, to myself, of course.