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« Career Suicide!نقابة منتجي و مصنّعي الجميد »

You're a loser!

  • By: Qwaider

  • On:Tuesday, October 23, 2007 12:34:22 AM
  • In:Thoughts
  • Viewed: (4371) times

    • Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
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    Rated 4.5/5 stars (51 votes cast)

    According to one of my faithful readers, you're a loser if...

    You made a poor choice getting married to the wrong person. Therefore, you're a loser

    LoserSign
     

    You can't imagine how much I disagree with that sentence. I even went as far as saying it's stupid. And here's why..

     This idea (that I called stupid) assumes the following

    1. People never change
    2. People never lie
    3. People make mistakes consciously
    4. People naturally get along.
    5. Circumstances don't spoil a good thing
    6. Fate has no hand
    7. Arabs actually spend enough time with their future spouses to detect any incompatibility

    Most of the items above are well known to be impossible. Lets talk logic for a second here

    Scenario 1) People change
    You make the best decision ever. The perfect match. Financially, mental, socially, and familial stability. You are 100% compatible. Your taste in music, movies, books and future is identical and you get married to that person. Few months later.... They change! (And people are known to do that) or even more realistically, YOU CHANGE! I remember listening to some songs every single day. Only to hate them and not like them anymore after that! (Remember the Macarena?). The match made in heaven might turn out to be the worst decision you ever made! Does that make you a loser?!

    Scenario 2) People lying.
    This is an easy one. Mr Perfect comes to your house and makes the world his playground. You get married (with the best of intentions) and discover that he works as a janitor at IBM not the CEO and his car is actually on loan from his brother .. and all that other crap. He lied, he was such a good liar that he convinced your whole family that he's someone else! Does this make you a loser?!

    Scenario 3) Honest Mistakes!
    You're 23, you had a single serious relationship in your life. It didn't end well. Some one else comes around. Looks like a good match. You don't have enough experience to tell the good from the bad. You make the mistake. Two years later you wake up and feel bad because you're in that situation. Does that make you a loser?!

    Scenario 4) People get along!
    In marriage, just like in any partnership or relationship. There's a minimum amount of work needed to allow things to move on. If that effort is not given. The ship will just not sail! People don't always get along. People have different habits, different hobbies, different likes and dislikes, different things that irritate them. People just might NOT GET ALONG! Does this make you a loser?!

    Scenario 5) Circumstances change!
    Well, he used to be healthy, wealthy and wise. Few years down the road his start-up goes belly up and he declares bankruptcy. Financial hurtles force you to make concessions beyond your ability to accept. And you are in a bad position. Does this make you a loser?! Worse, he got incarcerated for some reason. And you're feeling bad. Does this make you a loser?!

    Scenario 6) Fate!
    If you are a believer, this is one important one for you. Fate! Some things are just not meant to be! But we go against them anyway. Does this make you a loser?!

    Scenario 7) familiarity with the future spouse!
    It's a sad reality that in most arranged marriage the couple don't have time to know one another. I don't think this is the case always. But it certainly is the case with a big number of marriages.
    Does this make you a loser?! (if you had a choice here, maybe, but otherwise.....)

    It's a fact of life that people's fortune will differ. Some people will be luckier than others while others might make better decisions that leads them to the good positions that they are in!

    Many people have been called Losers in history who turned out to be the greatest humans to walk the face of the planet...

    For someone to be a loser, they have to insist on making the wrong decision after the wrong decision. Notice the "insist" part which means continuation of the same poor judgement calls when faced with a choice. Marriage happens to be the most important decision a person can take in their life. And many simply fail. In fact, according to the US Statistic, 57% fail in the first year alone! The statistics might be worse over a period of time!

    Does this make over half the population of the US losers!? I really, really doubt it

    Other Memories Documented on October 23
    « Career Suicide!نقابة منتجي و مصنّعي الجميد »

    Memories....

    • #1
    • أنونيموس
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 12:36:15 AM
    I think it was just an overreaction by your reader , one which you certainly pushed for might I add :)
    Talk about taking things out of proportion-and context!

    I think there is a reason why divorce is ab3'ad el halal and that christians take each other for life-at least in the real chritian society; neither me nor you are more knowledgable than god.
    What does your comment have to do with your generalization up there? We're NOT discussing divorce. It is mentioned in passing and it is NOT the issue

    Answer me one thing:
    How is this taking your words out of context? This is EXACTLY what you said, and EXACTLY what I branded as stupid! (And not you as being stupid, just this idea)

    Can we focus on the matter at hand here, or did marriage teach you to be illusive regarding your answer?
    what you said is right... YET you find people saying stuff like that! Marriage comes easy to some people as t ends quickly... problem is people don't know what they want anymore
    That list is soooooooooooooooooooo True Q. One of your best! I completely agree with you on this one.

    Ask me about people changing. My ex-fiance used to be a nice guy! Then he got laid off and from that day he started smoking and had the worst attitude ever!
    He finally got a job, but I just couldn't accept his crap any longer. He changed! completely! And I was afraid for my life and my future with him. So we decided to end it.

    I'm not a loser! (nor is he) We're both victims of circumstances and changing personalities
    Two words: Expert syndrome.
    Oh and you're not suffering from an extreme case of delusional self inflation compounded by focus AND communication issues. All while attempting to project your insecurities on others.

    You are WRONG, and you have been proven wrong. In many ways. I might be no expert on losers, but I can tell you what they are NOT!
    Loser:
    A person who is proven wrong, yet continues to argue that others have issues.
    I guess Arabsat is painted all over that sentence
    Actually I am the exact opposite of what you said.
    Etha ja2atak mathamaton mn nage9eeen, 6annesh o eth7ak, and thats exactly what I am doing right now, LMAO..

    O ba3den ya 3adeemet el **** yalli esmek fire-****, e7tarmi 7alek ya galeelet el *****, I don't blame your ex-fiance for leaving you because you are,hmmm, what you are..

    Qwaider, is it ok to mock people's families on your blog?
    No Mohanned I don't approve of anyone calling anyone names and certainly not family names. And I would encourage everyone to practice some restraint when it comes to this kind of talk
    • #12
    • طفيلي(  ahmad)
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 3:54:41 AM
    I have been following your blog for more than month and you have talked about marriage many times. I am wondering if you are planning to get married in the close future.
    .For marriage, I really love this verse of Quran (الطيبون لطيبات والخبيثون للخبيثات ). The person does good deeds; Allah will reward her or him with a good spouse. Thus we should keep that in our mind and be careful about oure  work . it is like a debt, one day will pay back through our health, marriage, kids.
    I am planning to get married in the next 6 months. For that, i will ask my mum and big sisters to look for wife through friends and relatives .In my community,for marriage, a girl and a boy s get met with together and married and family less than two months. Most of them live happy woth their happy because they are not  fussy about their spouse. In rural area, we know each other and have get the same way in the life.My advice, to have happy family, let your parents choose your wife, everyone has got a dram about his or her partner. This is a dream and will be dream.

    By the way,once i read a studyung about divorce in the arab world.it was high in cities more than in rural areas.Ican not understand that becasue people in city intent to be more eductaed that other area .
    Yes Ahmad, I'm planning to get married soon. As soon as I can actually!

    But regarding that verse of the Quran. It doesn't mean that a good man will get a good wife absolutely. It means that they will end up with someone good. But It's clear from so many other stories in the Quran that some good men were with bad women (Job (Ayyoub), Noah) and some good women were with bad men (Asia wife of Pharaoh) But the idea is that eventually they will be with someone good.

    In addition, I think that verse was about adultery, where it was said that an adulterer man can only get married to an adulteress woman. He can't get married to a pure woman because he's not pure
    Mohanned, I had to modify your comment a little bit la2anno 3aib. Ma byseer haik! I'm not going to preach you on this. But it's not appropriate to say that.
    • #15
    • طفيلي(  ahmad)
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 4:58:48 AM
    Good luck in your marriage ...I am sure there are alot of girls dremaing  to get married to you. As we say in jordan you are عريس لقطه.I advice you to wife with less education than you. if she is in the same level or higer,you might face probelms and you can enjoy your manhood with her.
    • #16
    • طفيلي(  ahmad)
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 4:59:33 AM
    I advice you to have wife with less education than you. if she is in the same level or higer,you might face probelms and you can enjoy your manhood with her.
    • #17
    • أنونيموس
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 7:38:20 AM
    Well if you're intimidated by your wife's education level, that says enough about your manhood!

    On a different note, that is a big banner change up there, pretty cool!
    • #18
    • sam
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 7:47:24 AM
    i totally agree with you Q..you can plan everything and spend ages with someone but still they change, circumstances change changing the person or yourself......you can call a person a loser with everything, exept marriage..i know couples who barley knew each other and are happily married for a long time because they put alot of work and effort to make it work, compromising and working together towards a common goal..and other's who were together for years before getting married, even living together for a period of time and still end in divorce...marriage is your naseeb..there are many factors that play a role...
    • #19
    • طفيلي(  ahmad)
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 8:07:22 AM
    17أنونيموس

    You are insulting me again .Please watch your words and do not show us your manhood on the net.

    I was referring to kind of women who act as men in our society .they have education level higher than their husband or work in better which migh ruin their family life.
    I mean here القوامه والتكافو between wife and husband. I heard many stories when husbands cheat on their wives with housekeeper or cleaner or someone from different class. The reason was a wife because she was acting as police .
    طفيلي
    My mother has a higher education degree than my father. They have been married for 45 years now. They fight every single day. Her education as nothing to do with anything. In fact, it was my father who encouraged her to seek higher education. She wouldn't have done it without him and his understanding
    Well Q I agree that not making a mistake in marriage does not make you an instant looser, but on the other hand you would not be so bright either !

    People never change " yes but not very fast and very drastically !!"
    People never lie " People do lie all the time, and this is why we should know better"
    People make mistakes consciously " honest mistake is just plain silly ! if you are not mature enough you should not be making this decision to start with"
    People naturally get along." true people are different, but the first thing a person should consider is if they can get along with this person, they would not be carbon copies of each other but there are people we can live with and others we just can't"
    Circumstances don't spoil a good thing " Yes they don't !! they are very rare and complicated cases that this is true"  
    Fate has no hand " come on ! this is not an excuse for a person not to use their brain, as a believer a person knows they have to make istikhara and think hard and consult other people before making a  decision"
    Arabs actually spend enough time with their future spouses to detect any incompatibility " since we are talking about normal situation, not in the cases that either party is being forced into marriage, a persons rush into marriage is their own fault ! I personally know people getting to know each other for a month and longer in traditional marriage, meaning the groom spent a month visiting almost every day and spending hours with the lady BEFORE any commitment was made"
    i have to totally disagree with the main quote.. and about ur reasons, i also disagree!

    1. People never change, they actually do, but it has to stem from within, not be enforced on em, coz one day they will revolt and flip back to their original element.
    2. People never lie, and im the queen of england!!
    3. People make mistakes consciously, and sometimes subconsciously. ppl rebel and refuse certain things but then out of the blue they up and do them! coz rebellion was just for the sake of rebellion, not for the actual defiance of the concept. thus subconsciously they do these mistakes.
    4. People naturally get along, ppl want to get along, we r social creatures by default, yet u cant shove anyone down ur throat to prove ur a nice person who gets along with almost anyone.
    5. Circumstances don't spoil a good thing, erm, i agree. but sometimes obstacles are God's way of telling u it aint meant to be, u just have to have ur eyes open.
    6. Fate has no hand, erm hello! fate will remain the only non-variable! so many things in ur life can be changed and created, but if it aint written in ur book, whatever u do to acheive a certain goal, it will eventually come crashing down coz it wasnt meant to be.
    7. Arabs actually spend enough time with their future spouses to detect any incompatibility, if ur talking bout traditional marriages then sadly i disagree w biqowwa. ppl are pretencious when they go into traditional marriages, they mostly master the art of wearing a mask to cover up their bad side so that they wud get that person mommy picked out!
    Eh! Where is my response to number 7 ya qwaider?

    This is what I said in responce to qwiader's # 7 comment:

    Qwaider is the best example you can have on a syndrome called the expert syndrome, people with this psychological defect think they know everything because they are experts in one subject, some people fall for this because they assume that someone with this education level must be right just like we saw with fire-faten.

    What makes it worse is that they choose not to listen to others and move to the tactic of rediculing them while using some fancy words to add ligitimacy to a completly wrong argument that is taken out context.

    As for my responce to fire-faten, calling names and mocking families is not the best way to gain love from qwaider, this tactic is called cooptation, which I think maybe is a result by some false feeling coercion and intimidation on the part of qwaider-we all know how he is :)

    By the way this is just for fun, I am trying to be funny :)
    I love you both qwaider and fire faten, in a brotherly way of course :)
    • #24
    • afaf
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/23/2007 4:43:36 PM
    what happend to NASEEB!!!!
    now allah has a plan to each one of us, and we have no say in that, least thta can be said here....
    now to say that if u fail ur choice in marraige, then u r a loser....then show me one person on earth that made the right choice 100% of the time...beside prophets...yeah...and if ur friend wants to measure success in life on marriage then he has to measure on all other aspects in life, like friends, school, job....etc...
    The secret to life is learning to be comfortable with all your feelings,especially the weird ones.
    Sam
    You don't know how amazing your words were. I respect them even more because they're cominig from someone with insider experience. Thank you

    Tamara
    Thank you for your addition. I think it's valuable.

    Yes we all see different aspects of the same matter and that naturally means we evaluate the worth of a specific item. I don't disagree that a good choice is very important. But sometimes we do it to the best of our knowledge and the result just isn't favorable.

    Verbal Alchemy
    Yes, that's very true. I completely agree with your addition

    Mohanned
    Yes yes .. I'm sick with Expertism. Maybe on other occasions.  But this time, all I did was give logical backing to prove that what you said was stupid and completely wrong. Instead of debating the idea, you went on a tangent converting the whole matter to "Qwaider thinking he's an expert". If this is the way you handle your PHD. I wouldn't grant you one if I was your professor because you're not keeping focus of the issue at hand and the overwhelming evidence that I put forward.

    I am listening. I am responding to the subject. You on the other hand are confusing things and adding things that are unrelated to contribute to this confusion. It's all up to you really, but you're not focusing on the matter at hand and you have failed to answer a single one of the points I state above. EVEN if I considered my self "falsely" an expert

    I didn't ridicule some else. You might want to point out to me if anyone else had the same response!

    Afaf,
    Completely agree with you. Naseeb - Fate has a huge role here
    Why bother with you, I tried in the previous post but look what I got :D

    Kbeer enta ya qwaider, beddak tet7ammalna shway..

    One last question:za3lan menni?
    Laish inta binza3al minnak?
    o enta kaman ma benza3al mennak ya 3asal..
    • #30
    • Rasha
    • Windows Internet Explorer
    • Said
    • On: 10/24/2007 11:54:57 PM
    Generally speaking...How could you judge something you've never went through??!!
    And how would anyone generalize what is the most private relationship in humanity..whether it's marriage or divorce it's something so personal and private..and each partner suffers or gains from the other and there's no way you'd run from that??!!
    Life ain't as easy as a text book nor it's a manual you can follow to succeed...
    I wish it was that simple to find out where's the mistake and who's fault is it ...call him names and that's it! and i wish life was as easy as some mentioned above....just think...rationalize and act and you'll get lolly pop as your prize.
    I can't even begin to describe how devastating it is to put all your heart, soul and hopes in someone - who's actually your life - and believe in him then afterwards you get stabbed by his cheating or failure or lies or whatever human disorder lots of people have inside and never show till they put all their shields down.
    This is so self righteousness and too snobbish to look at people down and point fingers and say....losers!!
    Massive warning ( that i really hope it would never happen to anyone ):
    Don't point fingers and use that mighty brain judging cause you'll eventually learn the lesson the hard way ( god forbids ).
    This post states the obvious. I'm not sure how someone can be called stupid after a failed marriage. This seems to assume a super-ability of predicting the future. Item 7 certainly isn't helping, and is one I hope our culture will abandon.

    "I heard many stories when husbands cheat on their wives with housekeeper or cleaner or someone from different class. The reason was a wife because she was acting as police"

    Tafili, You're not seriously justifying cheating on a wife by blaming her higher education level, or the fact that she mistrusts her husband. There's no excuse for cheating on your spouse, period.
    You too can have your Memories Documented

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